31.3.14

Toddlers just ruin things. Like fun.

I have a dream. A dream that one day we can go out as a family. United in the one same aim that we will have a vaguely pleasant time. That we will enjoy each others company. And that we will have gasp...'fun'.

Toddlers just ruin stuff don't they? Just bloody well ruin things. No matter how much you plan. No matter how many snacks and sneaky fruit shoots you hide in your bag, or extra money for £100 ugly helium balloons/manky souvenirs. On family day trips they act like utter and complete arseholes. 

Let's think back to last year. We had organised a glorious and relaxing trip to Center Parcs. We planned beautiful family moments frolicking in the warm pool with our new baby and (till then) beautifully behaved toddler. Skip to day three of said holiday. Where, and I kid you not, the girl had me cornered alone with the baby whilst my hub went on the slides (grown. man) and starting hurling giant connect four pieces at my head screaming. The reason? Unknown (obv). 

Plotting to smash my head in

Now Center Parcs is a bit posh. So I did that terribly middle class thing of laughing a bit too loud and a bit too long. Saying "come along darling that's not how you play connect four ha ha ha ha ha HA!" Getting more manic by the second. Till I managed to drag her off round a corner and went terribly not middle class speaking though gritted teeth issuing punishments involving naughty doors (far FAR worse than the 'step). 

It's not got much better since. I always appear to be dragging her off screaming from somewhere or wiping tears away or getting her to smile for a bloody family photo which she point blank refuses to do unless chocolate is involved. Gah! I reckon by Christmas. She will be four and life will be simpler and happy times will be resumed. 

Then the boy will be hitting two. Oh Jesus. I'm screwed. 

Smile! Smile! Smile! No? Sod you then. 

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