If this half term was a football match...

If I was comparing this half term to a football match I would say the first half I was keen, up for the challenge and on the ball. By the end of the second half I was knackered and clapped out. I let my children tackle me to the ground and the odd ball got past me and into the net (whilst I was not concentrating due to hiding from said children in the kitchen eating the last remaining illicit Easter eggs). And alas although there was a lot of sodding rain? The game wasn't cancelled and it had to bloody go on.

6:45 am: DON'T MIX THE PLAY DOH! Oh.

I work as a teacher two days a week and those two days mean I can use my brain, not carry a massive 'Mum' bag everywhere and the best? Not share my crisps. Work for me is not work anymore. It is a break. Since having children, school holidays have taken on a whole new meaning. And can be summed up with one word: knackering. There are no more lazy mornings watching Jeremy Kyle whilst preparing for a day of shopping, or boozing. Now it is up at 6am. Ready to face a day of soft play (and why do you up the prices you bastards when it is shitter as it is rammed!), play dates, visit to Nan's, trip to McDonalds or all four (please do not add up the times my kids have eaten chips this week. I am mortified).

11am: C'mon kids what do you mean rain ain't fun?

This week I have noticed on twitter more than the odd whinge about grumpy children, people berating the never ending sodding rain, or irritated with other halves. Instagram has been full of families 'having fun' and by 'having fun' taking their children somewhere to a) be able to ignore them for a bit and maybe get the chance to drink a hot cup of tea and b) hopefully exhaust them so respite comes in the form of an afternoon nap. In the half term mania I had a friend with three beautiful children text me "sat in the park, in the rain, had to leave the house, was going insane".

2pm: Don't tell Daddy you had another McDonalds. Now where's your balloon? Oh fuck.

I asked on Facebook words to sum up parents half term and ones like 'exhausting' cropped up, or 'busy', or 'quarrelsome'. One friend put 'ace' and I thought ah that's lovely that is. Then I remembered she had been on a hen do to Ibiza for half of it. Jammy cow.

4:30pm: I am not eating chocolate! It's Mummy medicine!

Pictures throughout this blog post are from my Instagram account (brummymummyof2) and the images that have summed up my half term beautifully. Thank The Lord I am nearing the end of this particular tricky game and it's time for a substitution in the form of my husband. Tonight? I will be lying face down in a bath of gin, in a darkened room, shaking and muttering 'soft play, McDonalds, rain, tantrum' repeat.

The results of this half term? Children: 1 Parent: 0.

See you for a rematch in six weeks. Shit.


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