Sunday, 18 May 2014

Reasons why 'outdoor' trumps 'indoor'. Every time.

Here comes the sun dooby dooby. Yes! The sun is out. It came out. It was like hot. Hot enough to mean that the local, how do I say it nicely, tramps. Had their tops off. Fit. Anyways. This meant that we got to enjoy the dream that was 'the garden'. Yes. The place we use for like 11 days of the year without one child getting mud up their nose and screaming or the other being scared of a solitary worm.

So here is the definitive list on why the garden. Is better than the house. Lets ignore the ball ache of bloody kids suntan lotion (why is it like lard???). That is a minor shit thing. The rest? Rocks. 

Messy Play
I cannot count the ways I hate messy play. Messy play in the house scares me. As it is messy. You spend an hour lovingly preparing a beaut craft task you know will look wicked on Instagram (the only reason I would do such a thing). Then? After three minutes they're bored and you're wondering if purple paint comes out of couch. Doom. In the garden? A bit of sand amuses them for hours and hours and hours. Why? God knows. Mess away small children. Yes it may break the lawn mower. But that's not my remit. 

Giant Outdoor Toys
Outdoor toys are ginormous! And therefore hold a child's interest for longer than a tiny crap happy land toy. We buy ridic things for our garden. Just in the vain hope it will shut them up. This year we have purchased a house, bouncy castle, sand pit, ball pool, slide. And yes! It keeps them occupied for ages. Result. And one only has to keep an eye on them in the paddling pool. And let's be honest? We make the Dad's do that. Mum's don't do 'water'.

No Shit Children's TV!
Yay! So long Peppa. Bore off Thomas. Au revoir Mr (creepy) Tumble. My kids are having fun. Outdoor fun! I need not feel guilty they have watched 15 Peppas in a row. They are outside in the fresh air doing stuff. Not whining and making you have another tea party whilst they watch Despicable Me 2. Again. These are memories being made. And I have facebooked it all as proof.

Eating Outdoors
My kids are monsters when they eat. Monsters! They get peas in every nook and cranny, mash up the skirting board and grapes? Don't get me started on moulding grapes behind the tele. Outdoors? It makes no difference! Either the dog will eat it or weird night time bugs can feast on carrot sticks and petit filous.

It's OK to Booze Outdoors!
You wouldn't have a beer whilst watching the CBeebies 'what's on your plate' lunchtime song would you? It may feel a little well, wrong. But? In the garden? It's fine! OK don't be necking Sambuca whilst your child jumps off the top of the slide trying to fly. But the odd little Pimms or G&T? Well they are OK because you can put fruit in them. See healthy eating. Basically you are setting an example.

So there we go. The garden trumps the house every time. We may only spend 8% of our lives there (I made that statistic up but feel free to quote me) but that 8%? Is glorious. Bar the kids sun tan lotion. That's shit.

                                                        Redpeffer The Theme Game


  1. Lol! Great post again brummymummy! Gave me a good little giggle on this dreary sunny afternoon in N.Ireland - all because I completely agree with it all!

    1. Poor you. Did you not get the sun? The sun which has now been replaced with rain? Why is our weather just so bloody rubbish??? xxx

  2. This is a great post and made me laugh! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  3. Haha I knew you'd be sozzled on Pimms as your sausages sizzled. I don't do gardens - things live in them and freak me out cause I am a princess ha x

    1. Things do live in them like bugs n shit. But you know what? If it means I can have a booze. I will deal with it xxx

  4. Loving your list-totally agree:-) #TheThemeGame

  5. Great post! So true. The eating of meals out of doors is the best thing ever. On Sunday I just sipped a glass of wine whilst idly looking at all of the peas under the table. Indoors I'd have been chasing peas around the floor before the toddler stomped them!

  6. Good post. Love the kids in pics. So adorable.. :)


  7. This made me laugh! My kids love being in the garden, LOVE it. They rampage and run free, so happily. I feel that as long as it's on Facebook, it's clearly proof and those memories are being made. I am loving the use of that 8% statistic there, too, so I will quote you on it ;-) Thanks for sharing with #TheThemeGame x

  8. Brilliant post! And all very good points :) xx

  9. I couldn't agree with you more. My kids are so much happier as am I and Mr P in our backyard especially now that it's prettier. Booze in the backyard is always better and a must in the spring summer time for sure. I also couldn't agree with you more on the sun tan lotion. I HATE IT! With every passion I don't like wearing it or putting it on my kids but as a good mommy I still do. It is awful stuff. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  10. Brilliant as always Emma! Loving your take on outdoors and also, cheeky little bit of outdoor boozing - big thumbs up to that! ;-) #sharewithme #thethemegame

  11. OMG I am so glad that I am not the only one who thinks the tumbles are creepy! I love the outdoors too (by that I mean the terrace =P) and I love that I can be inside seeing my son do his thing. I love that he can do messy play there and draw on the floor and the wind and the rain will wash it for me =P

    Your post is so rock n roll. Love it. #ShareWithMe


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