18.5.14

Reasons why 'outdoor' trumps 'indoor'. Every time.

Here comes the sun dooby dooby. Yes! The sun is out. It came out. It was like hot. Hot enough to mean that the local, how do I say it nicely, tramps. Had their tops off. Fit. Anyways. This meant that we got to enjoy the dream that was 'the garden'. Yes. The place we use for like 11 days of the year without one child getting mud up their nose and screaming or the other being scared of a solitary worm.

So here is the definitive list on why the garden. Is better than the house. Lets ignore the ball ache of bloody kids suntan lotion (why is it like lard???). That is a minor shit thing. The rest? Rocks. 


Messy Play
I cannot count the ways I hate messy play. Messy play in the house scares me. As it is messy. You spend an hour lovingly preparing a beaut craft task you know will look wicked on Instagram (the only reason I would do such a thing). Then? After three minutes they're bored and you're wondering if purple paint comes out of couch. Doom. In the garden? A bit of sand amuses them for hours and hours and hours. Why? God knows. Mess away small children. Yes it may break the lawn mower. But that's not my remit. 


Giant Outdoor Toys
Outdoor toys are ginormous! And therefore hold a child's interest for longer than a tiny crap happy land toy. We buy ridic things for our garden. Just in the vain hope it will shut them up. This year we have purchased a house, bouncy castle, sand pit, ball pool, slide. And yes! It keeps them occupied for ages. Result. And one only has to keep an eye on them in the paddling pool. And let's be honest? We make the Dad's do that. Mum's don't do 'water'.


No Shit Children's TV!
Yay! So long Peppa. Bore off Thomas. Au revoir Mr (creepy) Tumble. My kids are having fun. Outdoor fun! I need not feel guilty they have watched 15 Peppas in a row. They are outside in the fresh air doing stuff. Not whining and making you have another tea party whilst they watch Despicable Me 2. Again. These are memories being made. And I have facebooked it all as proof.


Eating Outdoors
My kids are monsters when they eat. Monsters! They get peas in every nook and cranny, mash up the skirting board and grapes? Don't get me started on moulding grapes behind the tele. Outdoors? It makes no difference! Either the dog will eat it or weird night time bugs can feast on carrot sticks and petit filous.


It's OK to Booze Outdoors!
You wouldn't have a beer whilst watching the CBeebies 'what's on your plate' lunchtime song would you? It may feel a little well, wrong. But? In the garden? It's fine! OK don't be necking Sambuca whilst your child jumps off the top of the slide trying to fly. But the odd little Pimms or G&T? Well they are OK because you can put fruit in them. See healthy eating. Basically you are setting an example.

So there we go. The garden trumps the house every time. We may only spend 8% of our lives there (I made that statistic up but feel free to quote me) but that 8%? Is glorious. Bar the kids sun tan lotion. That's shit.

                                                        Redpeffer The Theme Game
                                                  
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