26.5.14

You're in the (Summer Mummy's) Army Now

A few months ago I wrote a piece about how when you give birth you suddenly find yourself wearing a uniform (You're in the Mummy's Army Now). You do not notice that this is a uniform until you hit the local soft play/playgroup/high street and you see everyone wearing one or all of the following: Converse, leggings, flowery dress and a statement necklace if feeling fancy. Anyway. The summer is upon us and we actually had some quite nice weather the other weekend. So now it is time to update our uniform. Spruce it up. So here is the updated list of the Mummy's Army Uniform. For Summer. Because remember. We are soldiers in the war against children. One that is never ending (well not for the foreseeable future).

Shoes: Obvs Converse feature again. Maybe like white ones or summery pale pink ones? But if you're feeling brave you can go to Primarni or some sort of other cheap high street shop and buy a vast amount of gladiator sandals. Loads and loads. Too many in fact. Jazzy ones in gold, practical ones in brown leather. Hundreds of the bloody things. You will have to wear two pairs a day in the six days of sun we get each year to make sure you bloomin utilise them all.

Of course I've shaved my legs! (I haven't)

Bottoms: I would like to say leggings don't feature heavily in this particular section. But they still do. A shorter legging but a legging non the less. Or a the dream of a long floaty skirt/maxi dress. A skirt length that when you were 14 you would have scoffed at. A skirt length only an RE teacher would have worn (I know. I am one.). But they are bang on trend now! And cheap! And even better? You don't have to shave your legs. Aces.

Top: A vest top but one that is sturdy enough to ensure your boobs don't pop out as you bend over to pick your child up, and dark enough to hide the Peppa Pig ice cream lolly that inevitably get down it. Or along with your big long floaty skirt, a big baggy floaty top. We are back to the boho chic (aka hobo shit) look favoured by Sienna Miller et al. And replace sparkly statement necklaces with summery, wooden ones that wouldn't look out of place in a Lanzarote street market. And a belt. Always a belt to give us some sort of waist. Which obviously we lost. A long, long time ago.

Hair: Messy bun. They are still bang on trend and until this changes? I will rock it. As it's summer I may pop a faux flower in to feel all exotic. And the joy of the double dipped hair look at present? Makes my roots looks fashionable.

I'm by a palm tree. In a flowery dress. I'm on me holidays!

Going out (some hope!) clothes: Going out in the summer means to the local pub beer garden or a stroll down to the all inclusive buffet on your holiday in Gran Canaria. So say hello to your old friend 'the flowery dress' yes these are applicable in summer too! But with a lighter flower. And of course a pair of your one million trillion gazillion gladiator sandals.

Coat and bag: You won't need a coat! It will be too warm. Ha ha ha! Of course you are going to need a coat. For gods sake we live in the UK. So tis the denim jacket, a vintage affair (by vintage I mean you splashed out on it in Oasis five years ago) or for that snazzy look a suit jacket. I have a pale pink one that I am too scared to wear in case it gets wrecked by babies bogies. So for me will be the denim beauty or a cardy. Like my Mum.

Extravagant extras: Go on. Treat yourself to a mani/pedi! There's nowt that says 'Mum' than a jazzy nail. It makes me feel youthful to wear mint nail varnish. All the celebs do it. If I wear a mint nail with a few rings basically I am pretty much Beyonce. Or maybe like Rita Ora. No-one will notice the unflattering skirt and tatty old denim jacket. They will see mint oh or maybe coral and go hey. She's one trendy gal. Ahem.

Leggings. Flowery Dress. Cardy. Coral Nails. Gin. I AM BEYONCE!!!!

So that's it. You are all prepared for summer. Your saggy Mum boobs will be kept tightly in, your too long skirt will cover your hairy legs but your minty toes and feet? Will make you look like a super star! Now have a Pimms and get yourself in the garden.

If you have any beaut holiday photos wearing any of the above tweet them me please babs #summermummysarmy @brummymummyof2

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