How are you? Well look I know you are losing the plot which is why I am writing me, I mean you, I mean...oh you know what I mean as you're me, a letter. This letter is being written one whole day before you embark on the most difficult of journeys. A summer. Alone. For six weeks. With two toddlers. Stop hyperventilating!!! It's going to be OK I promise! Yes, 11 hours a day is a long time, yes there are only so many Peppa episodes one can possible watch during this time but you will be fine.
So. Some advice that you may forget when your pulse is racing and your heart is beating so fast you feel your head may well explode. What you are doing, is a bit hard. Don't beat yourself up. Don't think you are a crap Mum. I'm not. I mean you're not! You love your children very much and sometimes yes we do shout but that's because the little sods are being bloody naughty on purpose. Count down from five. Use the naughty door and everything will be right! Remember if you do phone the husband up as a threat. This never works. So don't be surprised when he just laughs. Grrr.
This is one of your very last summers with two tiny toddlers. One of the very last times you will have little munchkins around that love you so very much they feel the need to be literally stuck to you at ALL TIMES. Yes, this is annoying and yes sometimes you just want to put the vacuum round. But I am giving you the summer off. Yes Me, this summer your main focus is to look after the boy and the girl. To have fun, to eat smarties, to watch the Gruffollo, to read stories, to roll down hills in the park, to sack off the washing and polishing and only do it when you're either a) using dirty pants as a duster or b) making your children wear these dirty 'duster' pants.
It is going to be a bit hard sometimes, and there will be missed naps and many, MANY over tired moments when you feel like you are going insane. But you are also being given permission to ever so often, have a few hours to yourself to go and have a spa, or buy a new dress. Funded by the husband who is eternally grateful for you being in charge for the six weeks (our words, not his).
So go me! You're fab! You're a great Mummy. Yeah you shout and yeah sometimes you shove Peppa on to allow yourself time to have a cup of tea or go for a wee. But overall you're aces. I'm aces! WE ARE ACES! Enjoy the summer bab - I have enclosed some piccys throughout this letter of the kids to remind you, when they are screaming "MINE" at each other, they can be cute and nice. Sometimes.
Love Me I mean You xxxxxxx
PS If I were you? I'd get some more gin in. We are so running low. And I feel? We may need it.
PPS See the below shot? That's going to happen quite a lot. Embrace it.