Sh*t just got real...

It dawned on me as I was waiting in the playground to collect my girl from pre-school this morning. That I am a Mum. Like an actual proper Mum Mum. Let me explain. For the past 20 months I have had the joy of being at home with my children bar the two days I work as a teacher, when I wasn't off on maternity leave. The days I was off with them were essentially me pootling around having cake with chums on the odd play date or running amok around Thomas Land. Copious amounts of cups of tea were drank, husbands moaned about, fancy dress outfits put on (the kids not us) and choccy biccys consumed.

But now? Sh*t just got real. There is no more pootling. There are parents evening forms to be handed in, cooking money to remember and teeny tiny shirts to be washed. I have to be at the same place twice a day at the same time. TWICE A DAY AT THE SAME TIME! And it is proper freaking me out. I'm no longer in the tired haze of having a new born, I'm not in the fretful, exhausting days of two toddlers. I am on a schedule. I am 'Mum'. I have no excuse for being a bit crap.

Whilst I was super sad when my girl went to pre-school this week due to the fact she is growing up. What really affected me was the complete change to my lifestyle. Something I had grown so accustomed to. It was a happy caffeine fuelled place where it didn't really matter if we popped to the Matalan sale or watched 56 episodes of Peppa in a row. There are now no reasons for me not to clean the house, not to provide healthy meals for the whole family, not to think about Mum things like booking hair appointments only at weekends or ensure PE kits are ready for a certain day.

I think it is going to take me a whilst to get used to being the Mum. I still have the boy with me but the poor sod is also on a routine now and getting him dressed and out of the house this morning for 8:30am nearly blew his mind. When we were putting his shoes back on a few hours later he looked at me like I was mad. My girl asked when she got in "do I have to go in everyday Mummy?". And I had to sadly* say "Yes, yes you do".

I worry that those wonderful friends I made whilst off with my children will now fade away due to lack of time in half terms, and I am anxious about making new 'Mum' friends. People who don't know about my love of Gary Barlow, that often I live off fruit pastilles and when I'm sarcastic I'm not meaning to be mean. I have to start. All. Over. Again.

My girl has coped with this change marvellously. She has loved going to pre-school and despite the only fact I have gleaned from her is that she wouldn't eat a carrot yesterday and that they have three toilets, I can see she is happy with her new little scheduled life. It's me that is totally falling apart. I now have to go and be a 'Mum' and read about the requirements for the Harvest Festival. I don't want to be making a food faux pas that could get a black mark against my name for the next seven years. Sob.

*By sadly I meant that Mum trait of saying things over enthusiastically when inside you are really sad.

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