The 5 Stages of Sibling Spite

One of the many reasons I had another child was I thought that it would be good for the two of them to grow up together. To play with each other. To make each other smile and to generally be besties. F*ck me I got that wrong! From the minute they wake up (generally before 6am obvs) till the minute we get them into bed kicking and screaming they row, they bicker, they shout, they push, they tell tales and generally? They seem to well, kinda hate each other. There are different causes to their anger and hatred towards each other. They can be summed up like this:

Sharing (NOT)
The amount of times I say "share, share, SHARE! FOR GODS SAKE SHARE!" a day? Is unreasonable. They don't share. They pull, they grab, they hide things. They do the polar opposite of sharing. They fight over the tablet. They fight over The Gruffalo Book. They fight for twenty minutes over a free three year old Mr Tumble phone. Then it snaps. And they blame each other for not sharing. And I die a little.

Ahhh the joy of a sibling shout off. Generally over something really important. Such as the lyrics to Annie. Yep. We had 20 minutes of shouting yesterday as one of them, I can't establish which, got the lyrics to Annie wrong. Not even 'The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow' or 'Hard Knock Life'. No, the obscure 'Little Girls' by Miss Hannigan. The shouting starts as a mild rumble and then is just two kids, standing and screaming at each other. Probably forgetting even why they started.

Sh*t Stirring
There's nothing like a tale being told. Generally taking place when you are the most busiest. That so and so has done so and so and you literally have no idea who has done what to whom or where. You make a knee jerk reaction to tell one of them off. Which results in one, both or all three of you weeping.

I can go to a friends house and my two will quite happily play with other children. They are kind. They are polite and they wouldn't say boo to a goose. In my house? The tear each others hair out. To be fair to them it does generally start off with a loving cuddle, that eases itself into a tumble, that results in a hair pull. And then we get back to shouting. Sigh.

Switching Sides
So you have sorted out the argument over who takes ownership of the Mr Tumble phone. The Annie soundtrack has been put on to discover real lyrics to album. Peppa has been shoved on the tele so the shouting subsides and you have got involved and calmed down three 'stirring of sh*t' episodes. And then?...the sods. They switch sides. For a moment they are unified. And they decide? They now hate you. I have noticed this is generally when I am on the toilet, or driving. To get me at my most weakest. Gits.

Sometimes there are glimpses of them liking each other. Generally when food is involved or when they are playing hide and seek. And I am sure wiser women than me will say it's just a phase. I need to suck it up and ride it out. The terrible twos were just a phase weren't they? And it's not like they lasted all the way through three and four is it? #doomed.

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