10.5.15

Napping Nightmares

I have always loved a nap. The reason I decided to go on a date with my husband is that in his first text he said he had been napping (oh and he's handsome and nice and blah blah). But I had literally no clue how I would come to rely on my children napping. It was a lifesaver. I recently read some research somewhere that said parents love their kids napping more than kids do. That past two? It's more for our benefit. And I say HELL YEAH! How else would I wee in peace and drink a hot cup of tea? I encourage napping till 18! At least! 

But these precious one or two hours become like crack to us exhausted parents. Your day revolves around the time when your little one snoozes. And there are certain circumstances where naps can produce such a feeling of panic that your heart races, your top lip sweats profusely and you use that high manic voice that worries your other half.

Napping In The Car
It's OK - we are only going ten minutes. There is no way that they will fall asleep in the car home. I will be able to squeeze them into bed...and then THEY FALL ASLEEP WITHIN TWO MINUTES! And no matter how much leg jiggling you do, and keeping the windows open and singing the "you're not tired!" song is going to stop them falling into such a deep slumber that the only option is a) sitting in a hot car with them for an hour needing a wee the whole time or b) trying to carry them into bed. Only for them to wake up in your front door and scream hysterically in front of your whole neighbourhood.

In the car and not in a bed. Balls.

The Missed Nap
Sometimes life happens and for some reason you have to miss a nap. You may be out somewhere exciting and they won't sleep in their buggy. Or maybe you are on an ill timed playdate where you smile at your friend but the whole time you are thinking "They should be f*cking asleep. I should have stayed at home". On repeat.

Important Event During Naptime
Ah the joy of a wedding/baptism/preschool event/doctors appointment slap bang middle in nap time. You see the time (for me this would be 11am) and you think. Oh good god. This is going to be carnage. There is only one thing to do. NOT GO! OK that is irrational. Just make sure your bag is packed with Smarties, the tablet of joy (as in iPad not Calpol) and Fruit Shoots. It's going to be a loooooong day.

On my lap and not in a bed. Balls.

Napping On You Nap
They won't sleep in their cot. They won't sleep in their bed. They won't sleep in their buggy. They won't sleep in their car. You give up. AND THEN THEY SLEEP ON YOU. You can't reach the remote. Your phone is running out of battery. You need a wee. There is only one thing to do. Stop breathing, practice your pelvic floor and mentally think about lying on an exotic beach. Or a date with Mr Bloom.

Napping To Close To Bedtime Nap
Nothing says disaster than a child falling asleep around 4pmish. You pop into the kitchen to wash up. Walk back in AND THEY ARE ASLEEP! And that 7 minutes of sleep is enough? The ensure they don't want to go to bed till 9pm. GAH!

On a book and not in a bed. Balls.

THE NAP HAS ENDED NAP
I've been through this once before. It's horrific. The nap starts to get shorter and shorter and one day? You will walk in when your child is supposed to be napping and they are banging on the window shouting at the neighbours like a prisoner demanding to get out. The nap ends (RIP 'the nap'). Yet the afternoon tiredness remains. You feel like your life is over. Your tea will forever be cold. But never fear at least the napping nightmares are over. And REALLY tired toddlers never have tantrums. Ever. Sob #napsaveslives 

Not asleep not in a bed. Awake FOREVER. Double Balls.
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