19.8.15

What's Your Parenting Pressure Point?

If you follow me on my insta-sham you will see that my kids and I are continuously out. All the time. Everyday. I have no issue taking them by myself to a theme park and when my girl was ten months? I flew to New York with her. Didn't bat an eyelid. Sometimes people comment on my photos or say in passing "you're always out you are". They even comment how they wouldn't dare do some of the things I do with my two small children alone.

Conquering Thomas Land alone? Boom! Getting them to put coats on? CAN'T DO IT!

But I have a confession to make. In the past year or so I wake up in the midst of an anxiety attack. Every morning. I am up from about 5am with a feeling of fear and dread. My belly feels full of butterflies. I thought it might have been my job, as teaching can be quite pressured. But no it was there in the school holidays too. My heart thump, thump, thumps. However I noticed when I was away on holiday last week? It wasn't there. I got up, I felt 'normal' and I got on with my day.

And it dawned on me. I was 'OK' as my other half was around for those manic few hours before you go out. You know that bit where you need to get two or more people ready. You need to make sure you look half decent and all hell can break loose with a spilt juice or a fight over a toy. It was that. It was the simple act of getting my children ready that was (and still is) making me feel sick. That was my parenting pressure point. The lack of control. The fear of the unknown. Getting four tiny feet in four tiny socks. Finding wellies or jelly shoes. Getting arms into coats. Changing the shoes on wrong feet to the right ones.

It took three attempts get to get these feet in these non matching her tights shoes

Now you are probably thinking I am insane. And that in the scheme of your day? Getting out the house is a breeze compared to commandeering the buggy round Asda, or the hour before bed where kids go bat sh*t cray cray. You may dread potty training. You could look at me flying around Thomas Land with two tots and think I've got my act together. But I just wish I could simply wake up, get three people ready without one or more of us in tears. I wish shouty teacher voice was well hidden and that I didn't have to scream "JUST GET YOUR COAT ON!" ten times. I wish I was you.

But I'm not. I'm me and as much as I wish I was. I'm not perfect. I need to embrace the fact that for the next few years I will find mornings stressful. I've decided to try and minimise the feeling of dread by getting clothes ready the night before. Asking the other half to help out with changing nappies or cleaning tiny teeth. I can't do everything. I can't be supermum. And I need to be a little less harder on myself. Embrace my brill bits and try my best to suck up the crap bits. But next time you see me zooming round the Tree-Fu Tom ride at CBeebies Land, or frolicking on the beach. Think to yourself "Jeez I bet she struggled to get them pair out the house today!".

I GOT THEM OUT THE RUDDY HOUSE!
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