Why Shopping With A Small Child. SUCKS

The Positive Start
"I'm going to take the kids shopping!" you think to yourself. Sure last time there was a fight over some Peppa Pig plasters. There was also that elderly lady who tutted when your daughter dropped to the floor screaming in front of the entrance. Oh and there was that £20 bribe toy you had you get your son to stop him crying...this time? This time it will be different!

OK. Two children. One trolley. A relatively short shopping list. A bag of snacks. What could go wrong?

Tantrum in the pizza aisle. Perfect

Arrival Part 2
"I haven't got any change for the trolley? Why do I need to pay for at trolley? What tramp would steal trolley?" "WATCH OUT FOR THE CARS" "No you can't both sit in the trolley" "I SAID WATCH OUT FOR THE CARS!" "No we are saving the snacks for later" "No you can't have a magazine we aren't even in the shop yet!" "Oh for gods sake just eat the snacks".

Finally Make It Into The Shop
Faced with a whole aisle dedicated to magazines you manage to run past it thanking the Lord you have saved yourself 2 x £3.99 and a whole host of crap you don't want in your house. Lucky escape... balls you've turned into the 'arts and craft' aisle. Sh*t.

Screaming in Asda cafe. Standard

Arts and Craft Aisle
You manage after ten minutes to persuade both children that an overpriced pack of stickers each will suffice. You turn a blind eye whilst your son systematically picks of each and every one of them off the sheet and decorates the trolley within three minutes of owning them. You debate pretending that this never happened. But your morals mean you will eventually pay for the pack that will never even make it home.

Pitstop in the Sainsbury's cafe. Essential

Back To The List
Gah! You've lost the list. You remember vaguely you needed bread and mmmm milk? Everyone needs milk right? However you become a bit hysterical in the home decor aisle and start throwing things in the trolley you have no need for. Pillow with a squirrel's face on? YES! A candle holder with a deer's face on. WAHOO. A duvet set with tiny bunnies on you know your husband will hate but hell you need a treat for taking the kids shopping. SHOVE IT IN.

The Till
You manage to get your bread, milk and random animal based homewear on the till conveyor belt. Your son is screaming that he "WANTS TO HOLD THE MILK", your daughter has noticed a Tweenies ride in the corner and is demanding a pound (whilst you are thinking when the hell were the Tweenies on TV in the past five years?). The queue is building up behind you. Someone is tutting. You are sweating. And debate doing a runner.

You finally manage to get home and survey all you have brought. Bread. Milk. Weird creepy squirrel pillow. Empty sheet of stickers....you look at your bare cupboards. Turn your laptop on and type in the nearest supermarket that delivers. Never. EVER. Again.
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