Night Feed Nagging
For us it definitely started with the dreaded 'night feed'. Now if you breast fed and had to do this all the time I salute you! You are a hero living off no sleep and I have no clue how you did it. I? Bottlefed after a short while and we go into a 'who's turn is it to do the night feed now' spiral of arguments. Both putting our case forward that we couldn't possibly have no sleep for the next day because we had a) work (him) b) had a toddler to look after (me) or c) IF I DON'T HAVE A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP SOME SERIOUS SH*T IS GOING TO GO DOWN.
(Through the gritted teeth) "Did you buy loo roll?"
Lie In Lying
You hear a toddler in a sing song voice shout "Muuuuummmmmmyyyyyyyyy". You open one eye. And look at the clock. It's 5.02am. You close your eye and wait. And know full well your other half is waiting. So you wait some more. "MUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY". Who is going to break first? No-one is moving. Breathing has stopped. 'Fake sleeping' has now become so honed that you both deserve and Oscar. Then...(whisper shouting) "I did it last weekend now get...the...f*ck...up". Triumph!
It's Your Fault-Itis
"Do you have the swimming nappies?". "No". "Oh (to be said all nice as you are in front of the kids but now you are fuming as you are at the SWIMMING BATHS WITH A BABY WHO COULD POO IN THE POOL) no worries...I just thought you were going to pack them...this time". "Oh sorry! I thought that was your job". After the words "your job" your inner anger is at fever pitch so you smile. Shove your leggings on and go and pay £5 for ONE NAPPY from the till.
(Through gritted teeth) "Did you remember the baby wipes?"
Household Chore Anger
These little interactions can range from who did the washing up last. To who left the wet washing in the machine. It may include a "Oh so you have put the heating on today have you? I thought it was rather warm!" or a "So you left the washing on the line over night? No really that's OK! I don't mind them getting wet again. It's fine!". Sigh.
United In Love Forgetfulness
So you've had no sleep, one of you got up at the crack of arse and inner screamed "sh*t!" when you realised there was mouldy washing in the machine still. Angry emoticons have been whizzing back and forward all day but then we need to remember there are those times. You know. When you see your little one do something amazing like walk, or you both stand together dreamily watching them sleep. And you kinda forget about all the weird passive aggressiveness. You are united in love for your amazing kids...until tomorrow when there is no loo roll in the whole house. And it starts all over again.
(Not through gritted teeth) "They are ruddy lovely aren't they?"