Friday, 30 October 2015

Put A Pumpkin On A Turd And I'd Buy It

I have an issue. I am a lover of 'things'. If there's a fad I want to be right in the midst of it. I am super mainstream. Always have been. I loved Bros, enjoyed hours sat outside Gary Barlow's house and even had a bit of a stage where I pretended I loved The Cure (as they sold nice T Shirts in HMV). But since I have become a parent? This has now become an issue. I am a advertisers dream. And when they are sat around a boardroom table and they describe the kinda Mum that would buy a giant wooden ornament pumpkin...they are basically describing me.

I've just spent an hour tidying the cupboard where I keep all the kids crap. Sorry I mean all the healthy snacks they have during the day and it is no, way shape or form filled with bribe Smarties and fruit shoots. A good portion of this was sorting through my paper plate collection. "What a f*cking boring collection!" I hear you exclaim. I have a RIDICULOUS amount of novelty paper plates. We have festive ones, two types of Halloween ones, Minion ones, polka dot ones (as polka dots seem to be a shabby chic thing). And today I had to put down a wooden pumpkin in Homesense. As I already have four. See? Advertisers dream.

Mmmm a shiny ornament pumpkin...

The youth would describe me as a 'basic bitch'. Which is someone who loves what everyone else loves. Conforms. She enjoys wearing an Ugg and sniffing a Pumpkin Yankee Candle, whilst drinking a Pumpkin Spiced Latte and holding A GIANT ORNAMENT PUMPKIN. I don't think I am alone in the endeavour to follow fads. Especially when it comes to our small ones. Think of all the dosh you wasted on Frozen? And now I am forking out cash for Descendants tat. Hands up who owns a character plaster in the form of a Thomas one or Hello Kitty? Course you do! WE ARE FOOLS.

But happy fools. I went on a playdate yesterday and took four different types of 'Halloween' cakes. I say this loosely as they were just bog standard Kipling cakes with ghosts drawn on the front. But they made me feel proper in the spirit and that I was embracing the most current 'thing'. I stroll the shops gorging on Christmas jumpers I intend to buy my children and considering which £20 advent calender I may get them. And yes I have brought myself a Yankee Candle one. In September. It could have sold out. IT COULD!

Look at the creepy bakewell tart! (shut up I know it looks the same)

I could sit here and really think about what I am doing. How I am buying into one thing after another. How no one really needs a Bratz plaster. How really Yankee Candles are no different from normal ones. Or I could sit here and watch my daughter twirl around singing the Descendants at the top of her voice, look at my ornament pumpkins which I shall sadly have to file away tomorrow god knows where (I can hear my husband shout "THE BIN") and lead a pretty happy and very basic life.

My name is Emma. I force my daughter to sniff candles...



  1. hahaha! I thought I was the only one to have a collection of paper
    I dread to think how much money I have spent on Frozen tat....I still am! Today I ordered my girl the Olaf slushy maker for

  2. Love it. I am a sucker for anything Disney and we are building up quite a collection of Halloween tat.

  3. I used to be a lot like this too! I would be buying things 'for the kids', but they were for me, really. Because I wanted them to like In the Night Garden or Thomas because they were cute. I'm pleased to say I have pretty much stopped it now, because it does get expensive and does fill the house with crap/ stuff.


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