26.11.15

I Am Mother. Hear Me Roar (Or Some Other Cheesy B*llocks)

I am sh*t scared of loads and loads of things. I hate wasps. To the point where when I see want I want to run and scream. I was always the girl that when we went on school trips that would stand by the bags whilst people when flying around on rollercoasters. I also have a huge and terrifying fear of the dentists. I lose sleep when I have to go and prior to becoming a mother any work I had to have done, no matter how small, had to take place under sedation. Yep. That's how scared I was. Bet they called me 'crazy weepy sedation lady'.

But then I had kids. And I didn't want my kids to be scared. I didn't want them to run away from bugs, or have restless nights over having their teeth checked. I wanted them to feel the joy of queuing up for roller coasters with their mates. So? I grew some balls. I decided to try and 'man up'. Or rather 'woman up'. I put my fears in a box and hid them away. I want them to always feel safe in my company. I want them to grasp life and tackle everything head on.

Ready to go on the waltzers. Trying not to vomit

And out of all of the things being a Mum has given me (cuddles, kisses, unconditional love, a taste for gin and lots of it) the strength to not be scared is the one I am most thankful for. Because you are scared for other things now aren't you? Bigger things. Scared they may get lost, or hurt. Worried for the first time their heart breaks. Things that really are terrifying. The box you put them in is so big and tightly locked you dare not to open it as you would never sleep.

The little things like wasps, dentists, roller coasters pale into comparison of that form you had to sign when you had a C Section saying you might die, that time you had to ride in an ambulance when your daughter had a fit or when you were in Boots and for a split second you couldn't see your son and you thought your head may explode in terror (he was staring longingly at the chocolate of course).

Screeching on a sleigh ride

Motherhood gives you a strength like no other, a reason to live, to challenge the teen swearing in front of your children, to have the self control to not run into the school playground and shout at a very lovely innocent four year old "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO BE MY DAUGHTERS FRIEND" (knowing full well the next day they will be besties). So yeah motherhood makes you tired. Motherhood makes you moan but we have to admit that whilst we may look a hot mess a lot of the time. Inwardly? We totally and utterly are hardcore. And woe betide any wasp that comes near my daughters precious arm. I shall splat you. With my bare hands.
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