16.1.16

Parenting Activities You Can Win At! (Even If You're Crap)

Parenting is one of the most rewarding jobs in the world. And also one of the hardest. You have dreams of being able to do the most amazing things with your kids. Baking wonderful cakes, making shabby chic dollies to live in shabby chic bedrooms and producing crafts that even Tony Hart (RIP) would be a bit jeal of. And then? Your cake attempts look like turds, your 'make a shabby chic dolly' kit lives on a shelf in your back room untouched for five years until you throw it away and your crafts? They. Are. S*it.

But after five years of being a Mum? I am here to say "Don't worry!" there are activities that you can do that your kid will love and even a chimp could manage (that may be an exaggeration). You're happy. They're happy. And no-one needs to eat sh*t cakes.

Dance Like No-One Is Watching
If you turned up to a nightclub in your pyjamas, with no bra on and a non descript stain down your front? Your mental health would be questioned and you would be turned away. However. If you bung 'Let It Go' on Spotify, scream it at the top of your lungs whilst your low hanging boobs jiggle around to their hearts content? YOUR KIDS WILL THINK YOU ARE A ROCK STAR! Seriously try it. It's amazing.

Can you wear this in a nightclub? No. Which is why I don't go

Read Stories In Ridiculous Voices
Kids books can be a bit boring. Especially if you have to read them at least 110 times a day. So why not try reading them in comedy accents? I like to read them in the voice of Mavis from Coronation St in the 80's. But not actual Mavis. Les Dennis, doing Mavis from Coronation St in the 80's. It makes me howl with laughter and my daughter thinks I am totes as good as Dame Judi. If not better.

Talk Gibberish
My son enjoys speaking in 'foreign' languages. "Why he is a genius!" I hear you exclaim. No he is a sausage that talks in random sounds. So I? Do it back. Really loudly and really really angrily which seems to prove that I am as funny as Mr Tumble. And a hell of a lot less creepy.

HULK SMASH

Do The Unexpected
You've had a long day at work. Or you're just knackered. Everyone is a bit p*ssed off. You have a choice you can all watch Peppa in a right old grump or? YOU COULD DON HULK HANDS AND SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE! Or invite your daughter to the mother of all tea parties and make up some cracking pretend cocktails. Until it is time for them to go to bed and you get to drink actual cocktails. Mmmmmm. Cocktails.

If All Else Fails...Hit McDonalds
Kids like the following: nuggets, chips, ice cream, fruit shoots, crayons, balloons and free straws. You can hit Maccy Ds at ANY time during the day and get all of these things for just a few quid! Bar if you go before 10am and I don't know about you I would certainly sign a petition for nuggets before 10am. Wouldn't you?

Wear a silly hat? YOU ARE THE BEST!

Look at the end of the day. Bar a few incredibly talented women (who I am insanely jealous of) we all, at times, think we are a bit crap but our kids genuinely don't care. They love us warts and all. And quite frankly when I just did a solo dance routine to Justin Bieber whilst my two clapped and hollered I couldn't have felt any happier. And there was not one bit of flour up my nose or splodge of paint on my pyjama bottoms.
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