I am incredibly lucky. I have a lovely house, car, other half, two kids, dog and a guinea pig. I love teaching and have fallen in love with writing. By rights I should be high fiving myself and thinking "you're living the dream my friend, now just enjoy it". But there is something that makes me worry that this is it. I am now never going to be an international pop star. Gary Barlow is more than likely not going to sweep me off my feet. And size 8 jeans from Top Shop? Probably will never adorn my huge arse.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME! (mmmm but I don't really sing, or dance or ever tried to be a popstar)
In the same year I turn 40 both children will be at school (is that the faint ringing of a full mid life crisis I can hear?). My days will not be spent rushing around quite so much. I could go to the gym. I could learn to cook. I could re watch all 12 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. But there is something in me that is yelling that I want more. I want to feel useful. I want there to be the hope of new and exciting things on the horizon. I don't want to ever feel that my chances to release a Grammy award winning album are gone (I can't actually sing. This never would have ever happened. But you know it's good to keep your options open).
I have no answers for what lies ahead. Please do not think I am not grateful for what I've got. In the same way that I don't hope you think I'm a d*ck for wanting that little bit more. We only have one life and I want to make sure that I make mine count. So whilst I wait for the answers to 'what comes next' I plan to look on Rightmove for homes in Birmingham with a garden big enough for a goat I intend to call Britney. I would have made an amazing Britney.
Pic Credit: I don't know Britney which makes me really sad so this picture was took from wallpapers55.com