The 'Shame'

Today we went out to do 'Beat the Street' which involves you tapping a little keyring on posts which have been dotted around the neighbourhood. It was fun. It was also very cold. It was also a very long way so we stopped off in a local pub to have a glass of lemonade before we started round two. My husband had to sit outside with the dog. My children? Were cold, tired, thirsty, ruddy happy to be having some family time which all resulted in them? Losing their tiny minds. LOSING THEIR MINDS.

So imagine the scene. Mum seemingly alone with two small children in a pub at 2pm. Normally pleasant children throwing coats, shouting, spitting drinks (?!), more shouting, play fighting. Then me banging on a window screaming "STEPHEEEEENNNNNNN" like a fish wife whilst he ignored me looking on his phone drinking cider with a dog. It was like a scene from Shameless. The pub was filled, all eyes were on me. I grabbed the kids, grabbed their coats and tried to do a runner. And they? Screamed like I was stealing them. I was red, I was sweaty, I felt the 'shame'. The "oh my god what will people think. Is that someone on the phone to social services?" kinda shame that makes you want to move continents, change your name to Trixie and forget you have a family.

Today these gorgeous humans went insane

My husband was baffled at my anger. He didn't understand why I was so upset. He couldn't grasp the thought that strangers may have believed my beautiful children were horrible, naughty monsters. And that I was a dreadful Mother, filled me with horror. I am sure there are a few people out there reading this thinking "who cares what other people think?". Believe you me. Generally I am a person of no shame. You are talking about a lady who writes a blog sharing my feelings and declaring to the world I clean my bits with baby wipes.

But there is just something isn't there that makes you want the world to see you as a great Mum? You want everyone to understand that kids have tantrums, that sometimes they are tired, sometimes they are bonkers and it's no reflection on how they are the other 99...OK 85% of the time. But some people don't get this. There is still some sort of expectation that as Mother's we can be in control all the time. But sometimes? You just can't be. These little humans aren't robots. They have emotions and alas sometimes these involve screaming and shouting "YOU'RE STINKY" to me.

Lovely, happy, smiley. NOTHING like they were today

So the lessons I have learnt from today are 1) if I believe that the children are too cold and too tired to continue on we return home stat 2) maybe next time use the phone rather than screaming your other halves name at the top of your voice. They are mobile for a reason 3) if I ever see something similar happening to another poor Mother I shall withhold judgement and give her a little smile of solidarity.
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