Maybe half a waffle whilst they are not looking. Or a half chewed fish finger whilst you are doing the washing up. Not your plate. Not your calories.
2. If your child offers you something
On the rare occasion they ask you to finish their food off as they don't want it anymore. For example maybe half a banana. Or the dream of dreams a packet of crisps is hastily shoved into your hands so they can run around the park. The food technically isn't yours. So the calories aren't.
Food outside? Calorie free. All that fresh air is quite strenuous on the body.
4. Coffee shop cakes
You had to walk to get to the coffee shop. The buggy is quite heavy. You didn't sleep well. In fact if you didn't eat a large muffin? You may faint.
I was up at 5.30am. I walked ten minutes to get to the coffee shop. NOW GIVE ME CAKE
If you are at a party and the host kindly says "help yourself to any leftovers!" then that means you are doing them a favour to clear the food away for them. Favours mean no calories.
6. Cakes offered at playdates
If you visit someones house and they offer you a cake it would be rude not to take it. In fact they may never ask you again so you must eat it. Enforced cake eating is calorie free.
Food in transit? Calorie free.
8. Hiding in the kitchen eating the kids bribe treats
You are standing up. Therefore this is virtually exercise. And hiding takes up quite a lot of energy.
9. Take aways on the weekend
You are a busy Mum. For gods sake who would begrudge a Mum a treat on the weekend? A satanist that's who. Therefore? Calorie free. It's our right to eat like a pig and anyone who says otherwise is a Mother hater!
Cocktails. They are fun! Therefore calorie free
10. Any alcohol consumed after busy day looking after the kids
You were on your feet all day (bar the bit where you sat down and watched TOWIE whilst your son napped, oh and the bit where you popped to your friends house and at playdate cake). So you are making up for lost calories with gin. And everyone knows that's pretty much water anyway! Put a lime in it. One of your five a day!
11. Food eaten when your child naps?
It's a treat therefore? Calorie free.
12. Halloween/Easter treats
Very bad for your child. So you eat them whilst they sleep. They weren't given to you so therefore those calories do not belong to you.
13. That Malteser found on the floor?
You know the one that was a bit dusty but you still popped it in your mouth? Well that's our dirty little secret so for sure...calorie free.
Mini eggs. Eaten outside. Essentially you are losing weight eating them. FACT