12.5.16

Winging It Through Motherhood

From the moment you discover you are pregnant you are faced with a never ending round of decisions. From whether you will give up caffeine and soft cheese. To is it really OK to have half a glass of champagne at a wedding when you are 8 months up the duff. After birth it's worrying over what breast pump to use, what is the best milk substitute and what nappies are going to contain all the crap and not sting your babies bum. You can send yourself mad thinking about whether plastic toys really are dangerous, is it OK for them to have a bit of chocolate when you they are two and when is the right time to start potty training.

You can spend hours chatting to friends, looking at online forums and reading a myriad of baby books. Tying yourself up in knots as they all contradict each other. If you search hard enough you can find a site promoting one point of view and in the same late night internet session, a YouTube video saying that is the most awful thing to do to your precious little baby. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older.

 "I wouldn't ever let my son watch Marvel superheroes!"
"Nor me!" (runs and hides mask and tells child to forget he ever knew Batman)

You think "Well I've taught them to sleep through the night, walk, eat, sleep and sh*t in a toilet what more do I need to sort out?". A ridiculous amount. From should their first shoes be Clarks as they are the best. To what pre-school should they attend and what extra curricular activities they can do to make them be the best human they can be. It is mind boggling and exhausting. Just when I think I've got it right? Something comes along to convince me I'm wrong. I'm always on the edge of screaming to my husband "BUT WHAT IF WE F*CK IT UP??!".

And I think at our heart we all feel that. So we commit to things with such conviction and vigour to reassure ourselves we are making the right decisions. Which is probably where the 'judgey Mum' side of us comes from. Granted it seems to make some women behave more judgey than others but we all at sometimes have raised an eyebrow over something we've seen that we don't agree with. Forgetting that the last time someone thought we had made the wrong choice it nearly made us have a little
weep.

"My child is on a sugar free diet!"
"And mine!" (convinces oneself that there is no sugar in an ice cream filled milkshake)

So as I am getting further into the journey of motherhood I am trying to remain focused on what is best for me and my family. Others may think some of the things we do are weird. But at the end of the day we do what is best for us. What works for us. And what works for us might not work for you and that's cool. That's what makes life different and interesting.

I am going to try and avoid googling "best extra curricular classes to ensure that your child turns out to be an international pop star and lawyer" and just look inwardly and focus on what makes them happy. It's going to be hard. But I can't focus on the "f*cking it all up" worry anymore. It's too exhausting. And whilst it remains unknown if I will f*ck it all up, it is guaranteed that I am wasting a hell of a lot of time waiting to see what happens.
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