6.6.16

15 Ways In Which Toddlers Try To DESTROY Holidays

1. Their first food group will be...cake.

Smug

2. Their holiday weapon of choice will be a water pistol. They will not care if you are related to them or not and you spend your whole holiday apologising to soaked strangers.

WHAT YOU LOOKIN AT MOFO?

3. They will lose their tiny minds at the mini-disco and if they are not running around skidding on their knees? They are hysterically crying about you not giving them (another) lolly.

Did somebody say mini-disco???

4. If they see you rest at any point they will try and kill you.

You're mine biatch

5. Their second food group will be...Fanta Limon.

Give me Limon or I shall wee in my pants. Again

6. Common rules that apply at home such as "wee goes in a toilet" do not apply on holiday and you find yourself hastily washing tiny pants in a sink. Bedtime is something just to scoff at. Yet mornings? Still EARLY AS F*CK.

7. Whilst you spend hours trying to get them to nap at home? They enjoy randomly sleeping at inappropriate times. And woe betide the Mum that wakes them up (even if it is at 5:45pm).

I do not care that strictly speaking it is only an hour or so away from my bedtime

8. Sun tan lotion is despised.

9. Sand is despised.

10. The pool is too cold.

11. The floor is too hot.

Try and wipe my face and I will SCREAM LIKE YOU ARE KILLING ME

12. Their third food group will be...ice cream.

I DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO WHERE IS MY FANTA LIMON?

13. Family day trips are met with anger and not the glee you foolishly expected.

I like to lick my legs. So what?

14. You see them act in ways you have never seen occur before. Except on Super Nanny. You know the ones where you judge their parenting skills. Except this time? You're the parent.

15. Fuelled by cake, Fanta and ice cream. They have the time of their lives. They run, scream, shout and eat their body weight in mentos. They will not remember the tantrums, fighting or the bit where Mum went "OH FOR GODS SAKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM". But unfortunately they will remember the whole of a Spanish dance routine, which they sing on repeat for the three weeks following your trip.

Yep. Doing a peace sign. Like a Gangsta
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