The Vacant Stare Of Motherhood

I've pulled a lot of different faces since becoming a Mother. From the rather grim "OH F*CK HERE COMES ANOTHER CONTRACTION" contorted face. To the eye rolling "is it my turn to get up again?" one. A lot of the time I have been smiling or laughing hysterically at something one of my children have done or said. I have also done 'ugly Kim Kardashian crying when exhausted but a face I didn't have too much experience in before is the 'vacant' one.

You know the one. You can see it on the Mother who is pushing her baby for the millionth time in the park, or the Dad who is sat outside a ballet class waiting for a three year old to finish. I've noticed parents silently staring into the middle distance whilst their child slowly eats their ice cream at a never ending Harvester meal. I am a bugger for it. Sometimes I wonder if a stranger walked past me would they think I even like being a Mum? As I can sometimes look so unbelievably miserable.


If your child is up at 6am and then in bed by 7pm that's 13 hours of time together. And yeah there will be laughter during that, probably a bit of angry shouty Mum face and a smidge of a "don't hit your brother disappointment". So that covers what around two hours? OK there is the interested face when your child asks a question, the enthusiastic one when they show you a painting. Another hour gone. But during the 10 hours that are left? There are going to be moments when the vacant stare makes an appearance.

Today I was waiting for my children to finish watching a Mike The Knight show on holiday. I have already seen it twice before and there as no amount of soul searching that could make me look vaguely enthused about this performance. I checked Facebook five times, read Heat magazine and then found myself staring off into the middle distance. Face vacant, mind blank. Looking disengaged and feeling bored beyond belief. And for the first time I thought "you know what it's OK to look a bit fed up, it's OK not to scream and shout for a Mike The Knight show".

Just as it's OK to have a face like a slapped arse when the kids are off at a soft play party and I'm sat left holding the shoes, it's no bad thing to vacantly stare into the horizon and think about what I want for my tea. As we don't have to enjoy every single minute of Motherhood. There are some amazing moments. Breath taking, life affirming experiences which I would love everyone to have but you know what? There are some f*cking boring ones too. So if you see me at a Bob The Builder tomorrow looking like I hate being a Mum. I don't. I love it. I just really hate Bob The Builder.
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