20.12.16

21 Thoughts I Have When Watching The CBeebies Nutcracker Panto

1) FOR GODS SAKE NOT AGAIN!

2) Actually I might be able to pop upstairs for a quick wee during "It's Christmas, It's Christmas, It's Chrissssttttmmmmassss Time".

3) Do I prefer Bloom grubby, long haired and northern? Or clean, highlighted and a bit posh?

4) WHERE DO YOU EVEN BUY YELLOW TROUSERS? He'd still get it.

5) Justin needs a bigger waistcoat.

6) Thank God I don't live next to a bunch of people that barge in and play musical instruments. That would p*ss me right off.

7) Why am I strangely excited about the arrival of Funky Uncle Drosselmeyer?

8) But if you're really funky. You wouldn't call yourself funky would you? You would just be funky.

9) "FUNKY UNCLE DROSSELMEYER"! (sings at the top of my voice whilst telling no-one in particular how I think Andy actually has a really good voice**) (**wonders if I fancy Andy...I do).

CBeebies Panto
Bloom or Andy....you decide...

10) I'm sure Chris Jarvis was on tele when I was young.

11) Look at those smug b*stards in the audience. F*ckers. Every year I apply and never get a ticket.

12) I think they are very dismissive when the Nutcracker's eyes move (god I really need a life).

13) ....drifts off into a fantasy where I am in a onesie with Bloom snuggling up and watching Netflix. Unlike with my husband, I may be tempted to do the Chill bit too...

14) Sweet Jesus the Swashbuckling pirate monkey is terrifying! What have they done to his skin!?

15) Robert The Robot looks better with a silver face. Fact.

16) (Sneaks in another wee and a look on Facebook).

17) I HOPE ONE DAY MY CHILDREN DRESS UP AS MICE AND ARE IN THE CBEEBIES PANTO...I would be so proud! (looks at son writhing on floor screaming "Funky Uncle Drosselmeyer" and thinks this may not happen).

18) The Queen mouses dance is a bit naff. The Nutcracker would get my vote (starts to have serious concerns about my sanity).

CBeebies Panto
Falls asleep to the sounds of Funky Uncle Drosselmeyer

19) "Oh! I like the puppet outfit!" Again said to no-one in particular.

20) God Bloom is really fit. I have clue of the ending of the show. I'm transfixed by his new hair. I conclude I like him posh.

21) "OK kids what shall we watch now?"...and we all know what the answer is to that...f*cking Funky Uncle Drosselmeyer.

Photo Credit: The BBC
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