Friday, 14 July 2017

Dear Beyoncé...

Dear Beyoncé

Firstly may I just say that I am huge fan. And I don't want to blow my own trumpet but it has been said that my 'drunk mum' version of 'Single Ladies'. After I've had one too may gins (six). May well rival your very own version. Sure I do it barefoot and OK I may not be able to do all the low down moves but the enthusiasm is there. I adore you. You embody everything I love about being a woman. But comes to Motherhood? And I wish that once. Just once. You didn't "slay" at it (slay is what the kids say these days right?).

I wish in my heart of hearts? You were just a bit crap. In your first photo shoot with your beautiful twins you look better than me on my wedding day. My wedding day. When I was at my VERY best. A few weeks after I gave birth I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards. I still looked roughly seven months pregnant. My clothes were covered in crusty milk, my hair was greasy and I was a wild eyed, insane, screeching, hormonal mess.

SLAYING IT (I think I've used it in the right context maybe?)

I would love just once Beyoncé for you to show a different side to your beautiful version of motherhood. In my imagination sometimes you and Jay Z are in your mansion and he's forgotten to take the bins out. The twins are screaming, Blue Ivy has just bitten you. You are lying face down on your 500 Egyptian thread sheets wailing "JAY I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE BAB. I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANNNNYYYYMMMMMMOOOOORRRRRRE". Yes in my imagination you have a slight Brummie accent. Show the cracks. Give us a glimpse into what it's really like.

Because if you did that? You don't know just how many mums you would be helping. How many mums would go "thank f*ck for that. If Beyoncé is struggling then it must be f*cking hard". I get that everything in the world of celebrity has to be perfect, polished and beautiful. But for me the hard bits about being a mum. The tough bits where you have no sleep but you still manage to get through the day in one piece. Albeit it looking like a tramp. Are the beautiful bits.

Knackered, no make up, innards hanging out of my stomach but happy

Those are the bits we should be celebrating. The days when we think we aren't going to make it through without having a cry. But we do. And we look at our babies sleeping with such love in our knackered eyes. Our maternity leggings sagging around the ass and think "Yes we smashed it". But I totally get why you wanted this beautfiful amazing shot to represent you and your babies. And we can but dream of achieving the same. I shall still have my weird Jay Z Brummie fantasties. Enjoying the one where he didn't put the tumble dryer on and forget to get bread. Beyoncé I salute you (even though I defo do 'Single Ladies' better).

Love Em x


  1. This made me chuckle a bit...I looked completely high in my first few photos (partially because I was on morphine ...I think!). I wonder if she does shout at Jay z with a Brummie twang and make him do some night feeds? :)

  2. It's funny to think of celeb couples arguing about day to day stuff, I've got an image of Beyonce in my mind, shouting for someone to bring the washing basket downstairs like I do or threatening to throw toys away if a room isn't tidied up lol

  3. Absolutely brilliant. My thoughts exactly. Hope you sent it to her

  4. Cheers for this giggle....Was just wondering who did the dishes? I got up early made everyone a cooked brekkie before getting everyone ready for church then a full roast beef dinner after being in & out of hospital all week. So that's me slayin' it for the week!!!! 😂😘😜

  5. Omg, this is exactly the inspiration for my 'I Can't Slay Today' badge. I adore Beyonce, she inspires me, the world would be a poorer place without her, but I just had to say it ... hey Bey, I can't slay sometimes, I just can't.

    The thing is, I'm giving her a break about all of her glossy advertisements for her wonderful life because we all know she also can't slay sometimes too, we just don't get to see those bits, I mean do WE advertise our 'can't slay' moments? No, we don't on the whole.

    Most people are advertising the same old glossy life all over their social media and so why should she be more special than we are in terms of her transparency about her life, and start showing the vomit covered clothes and crying over the cot when the baby won't sleep?

    At the end of the day she deserves a private life too, and what we see is really just public relations. I'm happy with that because somehow through all the gloss, you still get a vibe of the fact that life is not any easier for her than anyone else, and her gift to us is that she inspires us all to find the strength to cope in those moments when we feel weak.

  6. Totally agree! I'm annoyed at Kate Middleton for the same reason. Just have a photo outside the hospital looking terrible please - it would reassure SO many women!


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