1. The world is full of a lot of d*ckheads.
2. So when you find someone who isn't one? Cherish them.
3. Friendship is now quality over quantity.
4. A laugh with three good friends, is better than a night out with 27 that aren't that interested in you.
5. Family are everything. Even when they drive you mad. Which they will. Quite often.
6. Being a Mother is the best thing that will ever happen to you.
7. Being a Mother is the hardest thing that will ever happen to you.
8. Never trust anyone who says motherhood is easy. They are lying. Nobs.
9. It is possible to function on three hours sleep. Just.
10. When the sh*t hits the fan you will be the calm in the storm. Even when you feel you are going to break.
11. Never underestimate the power of a hot cup of tea or an ice cold gin with a straw.
12. Sighing when taking a wee is now part of everyday life.
13. As is groaning when you get out of bed.
14. It is possible to simultaneously love your other half whilst also wanting to murder them.
15. Your skirting boards will never be as clean as you imagined they would be.
16. Heels look good but a boot feels nicer.
17. Any outfit can be made better with a jazzy necklace or scarf.
18. Reality TV aimed at 20 year olds is perfection.
19. Tights should come up to your tits. Pants should cover your arse. Bras control the sagging as comfortably as possible.
20. Shaving legs/arms/toes only really needs to take place between May and August bank holiday
21. Nothing tastes finer than the first drink you have when your kids are finally asleep on a Friday night.
22. It's OK to act ridiculous. In fact it should be encouraged.
23. It's OK to say "No". Even when you think you should say "Yes".
24. Being nice should never be underestimated.
25. Being treated badly probably will happen but it should never stop you from being nice.
26. If someone is being a d*ck? Being nice, will make them feel worse. So give them a smile and a wave. Arseholes.
27. It's easy to convince yourself everything is calorie free if you really try hard enough.
28. Baby wipes are now a part of every day life.
29. Treat yourself every now and then.
30. Especially to new slippers and pyjamas. They can change your life.
31. Watching a boxset is life affirming.
32. A boxset ending is tragic.
33. You don't need a crazy diet, expensive clothes or plastic surgery to make you feel good. A hair cut and a bath without interruption will do.
34. Sometimes out of tragedy great things can happen. Even if you don't realise it for a while.
35. Any problem can be solved by an early night.
36. Never underestimate the healing power of a great 90's playlist on Spotify.
37. You're never too old to appreciate magic. And use your children to relight it in your heart.
38. Sometimes buying a size bigger will make you look amazing rather than walking away from your dream outfit. Just make sure you tell everyone who listens "the sizes are really off in Primark".
39. Work is work. It can make you thrive, it can make you angry, it can make you sad but as long as it can make you money? Suck it up, get on with and leave any drama at the office.
40. Being nice, silly, kind, happy, ridiculous, funny, and squeezing every ounce out of life is better than worrying about being thin, rich, smarter, popular or cooler...well that's what I will keep on telling myself.