Saturday, 31 March 2018

Dear (Un) Cool Kid...

Dear (Un) Cool Kid...

Hey how are you! I hope you are well. I am writing this letter specifically to you. Yes you. The one that sometimes feels she's a bit of a d*ck. The one that has a foot lodged firmly in her mouth at all times. You know the one that giggles a bit too loudly when being in the vicinity of a vaguely attractive man. Falls over in dances classes and has to be stretchered out. Enjoys doing a 'Single Ladies' dance routine that little bit too much on a night out. And the one who's nail varnish will chip within three seconds of leaving the house.

I'm just like you. I have always been just like you. I have always been that bit too loud. That bit too rude. That bit too much. I love the crudest of jokes and sometimes people take my conversation as a bit brusque and harsh. You would be hard pressed to find a staff meeting where I wasn't compelled to draw a willy on my colleagues notebook and sometimes when I laugh a bit much? I snort. I also cry loads. Loads and loads. Especially at hospital dramas. And the sad charity adverts. Oh and school shows. Where I scream "GO ON BAB!" whilst my kids look a little bit embarrassed.

The thing is about people like us as much as we try (and believe you me I've tried and tried) we can't help being the way we are. Sometimes it feels that we would love to be different. That we would adore to be aloof and mysterious. That men would say "hey who's that?" rather than "why did that woman just fall over?". That women would say "gosh look how chic she is!" rather than "why is that ladies skirt tucked into her pants?". We lack the cool gene. The trendiest haircuts look ridiculous on us. And any attempt at boho chic is more like hobo sh*t.

I've had a solid 40 years of being uncool. Too many embarrassing moments to count. Falling over on the first day of jobs, skirts falling down in school assemblies (when I was the teacher), telling strangers intimate secrets. The list goes on and on. I am still known on occasions to text my friend after an event and say "oh good god why did I do that?". And do not get me started on the morning after the night before. Horrible. But dearest (un) cool kid I think we need to look at ourselves a little bit differently.

I would do an inspirational "UNCOOL IS THE NEW COOL". But that's not true. There will always be someone in nicer clothes, doing fancier things and rocking a haircut that frankly made you look like a scarecrow. That's their lot in life and I don't begrudge them a thing (bar the times where I wish they would just have a little trip, nothing major). Our lot in life? Is to provide comic relief. To make people laugh. To cheer up that colleague by drawing a giant penis on their meeting notes. To dance to 'Single Ladies' as if EVERYONE is watching (which they are) and make the room smile. Whilst we may wish our nail varnish stayed on and our tights weren't round our gussets, our friends love us just they way we are.

And if we were cool? Our stories wouldn't be half as funny (see the below video).

Love Em xxx



  1. I went to my sons school-friends birthday party recently and the next day one of the mums in the playground asked me if i met her husband at the party and when agreed that I had she said "I thought so as he asked me who the blond, loud flappy mum was and I knew it would be you!". Dont know them well at all. Didnt know what to say then pulled myself together and owned it! At least I make small talk like a pro and try and be enthusiastic in these situations even if I am a bit 'flappy!'.

  2. THIS. I have also fallen over in the cinema. A large bucket of popcorn was involved. I hear you! x

  3. I've read this twice now & I just love it! It's totally me.
    Having my skirt tucked into my thong (cringe!) at a huge outdoor concert. Having my hair cut in a totally awesome style that REALLY didn't suit me but seemed to suit everyone else on the planet! Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
    This is why I love you & your blog! x


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