Dear Gary Barlow

Dear Gary Barlow...

I am not sure if you know this but we have been having an affair for the past 26 years. It started off quite innocently when I was 14 and in my dreams we would hold hands and maybe go to a disco. This love has continued until now. I am 40 and in my dreams we...well actually lets just keep that between us shall we? Our lust does not need to be written down. It can remain unspoken between us.

I'll be honest when I first saw you in Smash Hits magazine you didn't immediately catch my eye. I was drawn to Mark and his inoffensive man child looks. But then he started tarting around in cropped tops that said 'Baddy Powder' and got a ridiculous dolphin tattoo. So I decided that you were my one true love. Gary, you reminded me a bit of me. You weren't the most popular band member but I loved the way you could laugh at yourself. And the fact you wrote Back For Good meant you were a true romantic at heart. I used to go to sleep staring at the posters (that my Dad got really cross I put on my celling) and dreamt we would be together.

And then something happened Gary. You got REALLY fit. Like proper handsome. And everyone else started to love you and I'll be honest I wanted to shout from the roof tops "YEAH BUT DID YOU CATCH A WATER BOTTLE FROM HIM AT THE NEC IN 1994? YOU WILL NEVER LOVE  HIM LIKE I DO". But I realised I was 30 and to be honest that did sound a bit insane. So I just smugly held dear to my heart that I loved you when you couldn't dance, got a bit chubby and people cried over Babe. When to be honest I thought Mark was just a bit mean for leaving a lady without checking she was pregnant first.

Gary you will always be my second love (I'm sorry but first goes to Matt Goss). I enjoy the fact that as I get older you get older. I love the fact that maybe when you are old and grey you will bin off trying to keep fit. We could sit on the couch together in Cheshire being a bit chubby and you could sing Back For Good to me. I would flick through old photos of you in leather gear and the years you had peroxide blond hair and giggle. And you would flick through old photos of me with a shaggy perm (dyed with sun-in), bomber jacket and those boots with wood in the heels and say "I can't believe I didn't notice how beautiful you were. We wasted so much time".

So Gary I shall continue our affair from the sidelines and try to ignore the fact that there are millions of other Mums that feel the same as me. That they too say quite frankly rather rude things about you to their friends in soft play. You've done a service to us all these past 26 years and we shall still be loving you in 26 years to come. But remember...I loved you first.

Em* xxx

*Aged 40 and 5 months. You know the blond who caught an Evian bottle from you in Birmingham at the NEC. And by caught I mean had a tussle with another teenage girl over it and won. That's love that is.

Remember me? I wore adidas tops as I thought that was cool! (I was wrong)

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