To My Dearest Family...

To my dearest family
There are some simple ways to impress me
If you do these things without much fuss
You won't hear Mummy scream, shout or cuss

Place your washing in the basket and not right next to it
Flush the chain, when you take an almighty sh*t
Replace the toilet roll when it's done
I'm not your servant. I'm your Mum!

When you trash your room at night 
Please tidy it up much to my delight
When you get out every single book you own
Remember this is not a tip. This is in fact your home!

You drop your bag when you walk through the door
Not in the cupboard but just on the floor
You look at me when I start to complain 
Like I've lost the plot when I SCREAM YOUR NAME!!!


I would like to say your Daddy is much better
But sometimes I text him or leave a passive aggressive letter
"If you don't move your dirty clothes. I'm going to kill you"
And not gonna lie I've even had to flush some of his poo.

My name is Mummy and I love you of course
But I would rather not shout till my throat is hoarse
I am happy to do most of the chores 
But you're taking the p*ss as the mess is all yours

I'm going on strike and plan to watch TV
I've decided to flush only my sh*t and wee
Hopefully you will notice when the house starts to smell
And you will look at each other and start to help as well

I'm trying to raise good humans you see
As one day you won't be living with me
Which makes me feel ever so sad but it's OK...
I'll still have to look after your flipping Dad.

It's all glamour being a Mum
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