For When You Don't Want To Sleep With Me Anymore...

To my beautiful boy

Today you turn six. Six! Which I refuse to believe as sometimes when you sleep your lips are pursed and you still look like my chubby baby boy. I know exactly what you look like when you sleep as at the grand old age of six you still sleep next to me. Which to some people seems ridiculous. And I must admit for a long time I thought so to. It drove us all to frustration that you wouldn't last the night in your own bed. Despite us trying for days, weeks, months, years to make it happen. But after a particularly rocky week at school. I gave up. And now our bed became your bed too.

This isn't for everyone. But here is the thing. If you ever decide to have chubby babies of your own I will give you this one piece of advice. As long as you are happy, your partner is happy and your children are happy it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. Whilst parenting can come with enormous highs sometimes it's just about survival and getting a good nights sleep makes us all happier humans and for now that's all that matters. Because one day. You won't want to sleep so close to me. One day you will want to sleep all alone.

And I will be sad. For now you are six. Getting closer to being a teen than you are to being a baby. Which terrifies me and I have to put that feeling of "what the hell do I do when they aren't little anymore" right to the back of my head. Luckily for now you do need me. You're happy to hold my hands when we dance at the mini disco. You love nothing more than a cuddle and if the mood takes you, you will fall asleep with your head in my lap whilst I sniff you hair. Which is probably something that will make you cringe when you're a big boy.

For now you are a gentle soul. You're not a fan of football and running around with the other lads at school. You love to sing and dance. Or get a million little figures out in your bedroom. Sometimes it's almost as if you've been given a secret task to make as much mess as possible. Which drives me bonkers but then amongst all the mess I find notes you've written about your 'Mommy' and I don't feel quite so cross. All you wanted for Christmas was a magicians outfit. And the moment you put that sequined waistcoat on I wanted time to stop.

But time doesn't stop. It carries on far too fast and one day I am sure you will be shouting at the football on the tele with your Dad. Your room will be a mess but I won't be allowed in it and the thought of my pursed lipped chubby baby next to me will be a distant memory. So for now. Every night you sleep next to me is a privilege. Even when I am hanging off the bed and you are wrapped up with all of the blanket. So happy 6th birthday my beautiful boy. Whilst you may grow up tall and strong. I shall always think of you gentle, with your head in my lap, fast asleep.

Yours forever Mummy xxx
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