Wednesday, 4 May 2016

The Mother's Alternative Guide To Summer Body Maintenance

Sandal Ready Feet
To get your feet ready for summer you could spend the weeks leading up to it moisturising them. Ensuring every crusty nook and cranny is smoothed to within an inch of it's life. That you pluck each and every hairy toe. And you spend your time painting your nails a bright coral which will look perfect when you sink them deep in sand and instagram it for the world to see...

...Or? You could just wear converse, let your toe hair run riot and when your husband jokes you have "hobbit feet". You giggle. Not picking up on the vital hint he is dropping.

Smooth, Sexy And Toned Legs
Now is the time to shave your legs. Maybe consider some self tan. You could get on the treadmill or do that thing where people jog with their buggies around the park. Tinted moisturiser would make them look shiny and sleek. They would be the talk of the school run...

...Or? You could just wear leggings. If they are cropped? Just shave the bit above the converse (see Sandal Ready Feet) or invest in ankle length leggings and ankle high shoes. If jeggings are your choice of bottom? And you enjoy wearing ripped ones to be down with da kidz? Ensure knees are shaved. There is no excuse for that.

Look if I shaved my toes and painted my nails course I'm going to intsagram it!

Wicked Wednesdays 4th May

Hello and welcome to this weeks Wicked Wednesdays! I hope that you have had a lovely bank holiday. We went away to Chessington with the kids. Two days later? I am still a broken woman. We are away for 8 days soon and I am TERRIFIED about sleeping with them for that long. EEK! It's going to kill me. More exciting news I am up for a BritMums BIBs award for Best Video. Would LOVE your vote so pop over here and choose me. And yes I am totes begging...again.

Thanks so much to all of you who linked up last week my favourites were a rather interesting face paint from Jos Nursery, a funny nap from The Monkey and Me Site and a little bit of decorating, kid style, from Northumberland Mam. Now go and link up and don't forget to comment on my photo as well as a few others and hopefully you should get some comments in return! Have a lovely week and...don't forget to vote for me! #noshamefosure

Linky Rules

Sunday, 1 May 2016

Dinner Time With Kids. The Dream V The Reality

The Dream: This morning you put a lovely stew concoction in the slow cooker and it has been marinating all day. It will be ready at the perfect time when your children get peckish and your husband returns from a busy day at work.
The Reality: F*CK I FORGOT TO GET ANYTHING OUT OF THE FREEZER AND I CANNOT  SERVE UP NUGGETS AGAIN! Thank god there is a mince shoved at the back of the fridge. Yeah it goes out of date today but it's fine! I shall make spag bol and be all continental. Nigella? Eat your heart out!

The Dream: Sigh I'm so glad that the slow cooker was created! It means I can relax and enjoy my day in peace. I've also made extra so it will be frozen and eaten again at the weekend. I'm going to grab a cup of tea and watch Loose Women.
The Reality: Right the kids are quietly watching YouTube. Time to crack on with it. "Why are you screaming?". "Stop hitting your brother!". "Get off the dog!". "IF YOU PUT YOUR HAND BY THE HOB ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD..."

You think I'm gonna eat that sh*t your serving? Oh the megalols. Fool

Thursday, 28 April 2016

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Asking For Help

As I write this I am in bed ill. I woke up all dizzy at 4:30am, cried for a bit and then made a decision. Today? I ask for help. Today? I say "look I could get the kids to school but the chances are if I do make it there alive I will probably sob on the headmistress and then she will think I am mad and put me on that list of parents that shouldn't by rights have kids". In the past five years of being a Mum I have learnt my lesson that sometimes? As amazing as we are? Mothers can be martyrs.

We feel that it is our responsibility to be on the ball at all times. That we are super human and you know what? Most of the time I am. I can juggle a million and one things and still ensure that the tea is on the table for 5pm (OK it's only nuggets but there is chopped up cucumber there too!). We feel that we should always be there for our kiddos doing everything we can, sometimes to the detriment of our own health. Whether it be our bodies being poorly or us losing our tiny minds.

Today I drink tea and say "SCREW YOU WASHING UP!" Well at least for a few hours

10 Things To Do At Warwick Castle

Warwick Castle is more than just your average castle. With live shows, Knights, Princesses, fire flying through the air and amazing birds of prey, it has everything your little one would need to enjoy the perfect day from years gone by. So here are 10 things to enjoy if you plan on visiting Warwick Castle.

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Wicked Wednesdays 27th April

Hello and welcome to this week's Wicked Wednesday's! I hope you are all well and had a really lovely week. Well this week out I found I was up for two MADs. For Blog of the Year and Best Use of Video. Thanks SO much if you voted. I would say part of it was down to people linking up with Wicked Wednesdays. I REALLY appreciate it, did have a little cry. and a small trot around my house screaming. If you would like to choose me for video please click here and vote! (Totes begging) and congratulations if you are up for an award! See you there!

My favourite three from last week were pile up from Hannah and the Mini Beasts, screw you Mum from Threesy Peasy and co parenting problems from Inside Martyns Thoughts. Thanks for joining in guys! As usual link up, comment on mine, comment on a few others and hopefully watch the comments come back in return! And what every you do have a nice week for me. It's how fairies get their wings. Probably.

Linky Rules

Sunday, 24 April 2016

10 Rules Of Toddlerhood

1) You must always accompany your Mother to the toilet. Whilst in the toilet you should either a) scream hysterically that you need it b) watch with a steely glaze like a murderer or c) if in public mention your Mum's hairy privates, stinky poo or "what's that thing that you are pulling out/putting up and why is it red?".

2) If you are going to throw a tantrum? Generally ones in public will give you the desired effect. Supermarkets are marvellous places to be given a post tantrum bribe such as a bag of sweets or magazine.

3) At bedtime try the following to delay the inevitable "one more story please Mummy", "I want a drink", "I want a cuddle", "I want another cuddle" and so on. Failing that? Just run from your bed screaming like a wild animal and confuse the f*ck out of everyone.

Tantrum's on playdates at your Mum's friends house? Perfect to get what you want!