Saturday, 21 October 2017

Saturday Before Kids V Saturday After Kids

Wake Up
The Dream - You are gently awoke by a glint of Autumn sun through your window. You look lovingly at your other half and then the clock. It's 10am. You decide to treat your significant other to breakfast in bed. You then settle in for a cuddle and a bit of netflix and chill.
The Reality - You are ripped from your sleep by a small child screaming something about putting YouTube on. You look at your other half with pure hate. It's 5am. You decide to resentfully treat your significant other to a lie in. But if he's not up by 7am? The sh*t is going to hit the fan. Hard.

Breakfast
The Dream - As you were out 'up town' last night you quickly rustle up a few sausage sandwiches, two mugs of builders tea. Mild hangovers are fine when you know you can have a lazy morning ahead.
The Reality - Half a piece of toast that you stole of your sons plate whilst he watched another video of weirdo Americans playing with Kinder Eggs. It felt a bit soggy. Too much Flora? Or previously chewed on? Whatever. Tasted nicer than your luke warm sick tea. Your husband is still not up. You plot ways to kill him.


Sunday, 15 October 2017

How You Can Make Memories. Even When You're Being A Bit Crap

It's 6:37am. Two wasps have flown into the kitchen. Everyone is hysterical. Someone screams. It seems to be me. Daddy is dragged out of bed to kill them. Whilst he is in the midst of chasing the little buggers around. I grab a card off the side. Creep up to him and tap him on the neck. He thinks he has been stung. He drops to the floor screaming. The kids howl with laughter, I can't breathe as I am crying so much and he shouts "F*CK OFF!". He never swears in front of the kids. We just laugh more.

And it dawned on me. These little situations that happen are what our kids are going to remember us for. There are ones from my life that I always will remember. Daft situations that I don't want to embarrass my parents with (there was one involving my Dad up a lamp post). Just snapshots of family life. Increasingly we are under pressure to make parenting glossy and shiny. To buy the most overpriced toys (BORE OFF HATCHIMALS), go on extravagant days out and be the over the top parents social media wants us to be.


Wednesday, 11 October 2017

The 'Not Sure What To Title It' Blog Post

Right. Weird post alert. There's not many times I write something and think "oh I probably won't publish that" but this is one of these. So if you are reading it "Hello!" and welcome to the insane whirrings of my mind. Let's start at the beginning. I began blogging four years ago. I used to find it quite easy to knock out six or seven posts a week about a variety of things. As time went on I started to review bits and bobs here and there. I enjoyed it. I worked hard at it. It was fun.

Then...I started to get the odd negative comment and now that is just a daily part of my life. Not so much focused on my inability of a Mother anymore (thank God). More targeted on the way I look. I am actually really good at brushing it away and getting on with my day. It's just part of the job. Sometimes I reply. Sometimes I block them. But I know they are going to pop up when I press publish. Generally on YouTube or Facebook.

What I didn't realise (and this may be the reason why I don't press publish) that social media still favours a certain kind of woman. And this doesn't mean I have anything against these lovely ladies. They are doing their thing. Getting the work. I don't begrudge them a penny. But it does mean that rejection is now a part of my daily life. From not getting campaigns despite having a wonderfully highly engaged audience, not being invited to fancy parties, not attending launches, just not being the right fit. Don't get me wrong I get to work with some wonderful brands but over the years along with the negative comments comes the realisation that..."hang on I'm REALLY not that cool am I?".

'Working' in bed

Sunday, 8 October 2017

The 10 (Annoying) Addictions Of Small Children

As soon as your little ones start to sit up and take notice of the world around them they start to be addicted to a range of things. At the beginning you think it's cute, then you start to become concerned that their habit is out of control. Then? You are overjoyed there is something they can do for ten minutes to keep them quiet so you can go for a wee. Below is the list of my kids's addictions. Some are new, some have been around for years. So ingrained in them I fear I shall never wean them off it...

1. Crap
My kids love crap. Bags of crap. Tiny toys, broken rubbers, slap bands from £1 machines. Crap everywhere. In my car, in drawers, in the bottom of my bag. I fish it out of their pockets. I've stomped on a Shopkin and whisper swore very loudly and we STILL have 15 Minion Happy Meal toys doing the rounds somewhere. Mocking me with their stupid sodding voices.

2. £1 Machines
If I have a pound for every time I spent a pound on one of those f*cking machines I would be minted. My kids crave a Teenage Turtle tattoo. They beg for a tiny cat in a box (bit like a coffin) only to be lost in the car on the way home (see crap). I feel like rounding up all the crap in my house. Buying a pound machine, shoving all the crap in and setting it up in the living room. Keeping them occupied for hours.

Magazine Crap

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Our After School Routine!

As a lot of you will know, both of my two are at school now. So our evening routine that was so honed and perfected has, once again been thrown up in the air! McCain got in touch with me and asked me to chat a bit about my family and mealtimes, so I thought it would be a great way to show our new routine and how it is working for us. Hopefully it will give you some ideas to avoid that tricky 'witching hour' which I'm sad to say, is still going strong at ages 4 and 6!

Tidying
I always make sure my two put away their own shoes and coats. They used to get ticks for it on their reward chart but now it is just part of what they do when they get home from school. As they are getting older I want them to be more responsible for their own bits and bobs. Next I am working on them replacing the toilet rolls (My husband needs a lesson in this too!)


Family Time
My husband goes to work early and arrives home quite late so I am really lucky to have my Mum pop over sometimes to help out. It might be that I need to go to a meeting or I just need a hand as one of the children are poorly. Family is really important to me and I am really pleased my children have a fab relationship with both sets of grandparents. With their 'We Are Family' campaign, McCain are highlighting all sorts of different families. Nearly 50% of Brits feel that popular culture portrays the realities of modern day life. My reality is that my other half isn't always around to eat with the kids but that's just our normal and it works for us.