Friday, 26 August 2016

August Bank Holiday. Then V Now (Sob)

The Lie In
Then - Three days of luxurious lie ins. The dream of waking up on a Monday morning knowing that you can happily go back to sleep again. Or that feeling on a Sunday night when you don't have to set the alarm. Bliss.
Now - It's become a stand off situation. There are three days off so that means that one of you will have to get up at the crack of arse for two days and watch Peppa Pig. Whilst the other gets away with just the one. This is not fair. You both lie still. Not breathing. Whilst the kids shout "MUUUUMMYYYYY" "DADDDDYYYYY". One of you gives in and mutters "Oh for f*cks sake". Whilst other smugly does a silent fist punch, rolls over and goes back to sleep. Git.

Then - As you had Monday off it was virtually compulsory to booze from the moment you legally could till the moment you legally couldn't. Hell you may have even gone to an all nighter. ON A SUNDAY. What would Jesus think? Quite frankly you were too drunk to care.
Now - If the weather is nice you may have a sneaky Pimms in the back garden whilst you watch the kids try to kill each other in the paddling pool. Or if it's p*ssing it down (standard) you will resort to the dregs of gin with flat tonic in front of whatever crap is on the tele. Darling Buds Of May anyone?

I miss this so badly

Monday, 22 August 2016

How To Dress Like A School Run Mum

It's not that far away from the dreaded return back to school. Those early mornings where you try in vain not to look like a total tramp. I may have known someone who went down in a pyjama top and tracksuit bottoms when she was ill (cough cough me). So for all your new school run Mum's? Here are a few ideas so you look a little bit more boho chic than boho sh*t.

Sunday, 21 August 2016

10 Things You Should Definitely Should NOT Beat Yourself Up Over

"Parenting is really super easy!" said no Mother ever. When you aren't worrying about trying to get them to suck on your boob, you are fighting with your other half about whose turn it is to do the washing up. There are NEVER ENDING decisions about nursery places and the best after school clubs. This combined with the relentless f*cking guilt, can make you sit bolt upright in the middle of the night and have a little cry. But fear not! I am here to give you '10 Things You Definitely Should NOT Beat Yourself Up Over'. Save you tears for a late night repeat episode of One Born Every Minute.

1) Food
Whilst we all know that breast is best and baby led weaning is the norm. You should feed your baby the way YOU see fit. As long as they are happy and healthy at the end of the day that is all that really matters.

2) Sleep
Babies don't start off by sleeping through the night. It is f*cking horrific, brain numbing and soul destroying but you must embrace it. And do not listen to that woman at the baby club who says that hers did after a month. She's fibbing.


Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Wicked Wednesday's 17th August

Hello! And welcome to this weeks Wicked Wednesdays! I hope you have had a lovely week. We are in the fourth week of our summer holiday and gearing up to go away AGAIN next week but not to worry I will still be doing the linky as it's only for a few days. I can't wait! And am praying that the sun is shining this time. This weekend we had a date night and it was AMAZING to nap...oh yeah and spend some time with the other half. Blah blah.

Thanks to all of you who linked up last week! My favourites were anger over a jam tart from Inside Martyns Thoughts, a very diva baby from Soppy Mum and a beautiful buddha from Just Juggling. Thanks SO much for linking up and I hope to see you over here again this week. Linkys are a fab and easy way to keep your foot in the door of blogging (I'm not even sure that is a phrase?) so make sure you link up, comment lots and hopefully wait for the comments to come back in return! See you same time, same place next week!

Linky Rules

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Oh Confidence Where Art Thou?

On the surface I look like a pretty confident young woman. OK at 38 the young may be a bit of stretch but generally I look like I totally have my sh*t together. I will happily post a photo of me standing in my home made spanx and not care a jot if thousands of people see it. Just like I can stand in front of a class of teenagers, teach sex education and say "ejaculation" without even flinching. If you met me I probably would be described as 'bubbly' and a bit of a laugh. I enjoy a rude joke and can often be found chatting to strangers. Much to their dismay.

But then there is another side of me that isn't shown very much. The side where sometimes my worry overtakes my thoughts at night. I wonder if I have inadvertently done something to upset someone. I panic that a work email is in a tone that will offend or that my beautiful children aren't getting everything that they need from me. I beat myself up over every little thing and can think I'm not a great friend, Mother or wife. Sometimes I scrabble for confidence and it is nowhere to be found.

I'm not sure when this happened to me. I don't remember feeling like this in my twenties. Where I was slap bang in a rubbish career that was going nowhere, was a size 22 and had a boyfriend who clearly didn't think I was all that great (the damn fool). But now as I am fast approaching 40 (VOMIT), have a beautiful family, great friends and two jobs I love, why do sometimes I question my every move? What has happened to make me feel like this and more importantly do other people feel the same?

No Shame Jane

Hanging Out With Zoella At Madame Tussauds

This year I am lucky enough to be working with Merlin Passes as one of their blog ambassadors. We have visited stacks of places from The London Eye to CBeebies Land but one attraction I was a bit reluctant to visit was Madame Tussauds in London. I didn't really think that it would have anything exciting there for me let alone my two small children. How flipping wrong I was! We went during the school holidays and had an amazing time...even if it was the worlds busiest day.

Sunday, 14 August 2016

10 Stages Of Going On A Date. Parent Style

1) Decide to go on a date!
You've not spoken to each other properly in about three months. Well you have had two in depth discussions. One was about nits, the other "should be get a new shed?" oh and there was a small one sided rant about putting the washing away. A date is in order. Or a divorce.

2) Sort a baby sitter
You end up conning your parents into having them for the evening. You claim they are FAR easier to put to bed than the last time they were there (they aren't) and promise that everyone will have a good nights sleep (they won't). You screech away high fiving and hysterical at what is to come.

3) Get excited!
The excitement! 26 free hours to do what you want is immense!!! TWENTY SIX WHOLE HOURS! You could fly to Las Vegas and back (OK literally that would be it) but still TWENTY SIX WHOLE HOURS!

4) Make overambitious plans
"We shall be youth and go 'up town'. We will relive all the things we did before we had kids. But better! We will eat in a top notch place, have cocktails and dance the evening away! IT WILL BE IMMENSE!".