Saturday, 13 February 2016

21 Thoughts You Have Whilst Watching Kids TV

1. Oh I've not seen this one before...(swiftly followed by)
2. ...Oh f*ck I've seen it about 587 times!
3. Daddy Pig is a moron.
4. Topsy and Tim's Mum is on 'the drugs'.
5. Upsy Daisy is a bit of a ho.
6. Wonder what it would be like to kiss Mr Bloom?

Thursday, 11 February 2016

High Fives All Round. For Tiny Parenting Triumphs

Today has been a good day. Did I perform a life saving operation? No. Did I put out a fire or stop a runaway train? Not at all. Did I even manage to have a shower? No way! But what happened today was one of those times when all the stars collide. The world comes together and for a few brief hours you feel like you've got this parenting lark down and you are rocking it like Kim K and Kanye.

I think you may have gathered by now that sometimes I find Motherhood a bit difficult. I'm not natural at baking or crafts. I couldn't whip up a World Book Day fancy dress outfit if I tried (and believe me I have) and teacher shouty voice can often be heard screaming "GET YOUR SHOES ON" three minutes after we are supposed to have left for school. But today I smashed it.

I made this! (I didn't)

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

A Valentines Day Letter To You (An Apology)

Dear Other Half

Happy Valentines Day! Do you remember our very first one all those years ago? Where you brought me lovely bits and bobs and I cried as you got me a candle holder in the shape of a heart. I lovingly wrote you soppy notes and brought you one of those little voucher booklets from Clintons. Where you could exchange them for a massage, a kiss and a bit of how's your Father. Each subsequent year we went out for a romantic meal, cocktails were involved and generally quite a few of those vouchers were used.

This year? We can't get a babysitter so we are going to watch Zoolander 2 on Saturday afternoon. I can promise I will eat far too many sweets (as I don't have to share them) but I can't promise that I won't have a little nap and miss the main plot lines. Things have changed. We got older, we got kids and we got super passive aggressive about a variety of crap that really doesn't matter.

It drives me mad when you don't condition our daughter's hair but pretend you do. I see your eyes roll when I shout about who does the most washing up. And it really isn't necessary for you to point out when you have put one load of washing on WHEN I DO IT EVERY DAY (OK sorry. I forgot this is supposed to be a love letter. I digress). But I do still love you very much.

This was our anniversary. After an hour? We had to leave as our son was ill. Ah THE ROMANCE!

Wicked Wednesdays 10th February 2016

Welcome to this weeks Wicked Wednesdays! I hope you had a really lovely week. If you linked up last week you may remember that I was at YouTube and I had an AMAZING time. I was a huge geek and if you want a nosy around too I have popped my vlog (albeit it very short as I was a bit overwhelmed) at the bottom of this post. It's back to school runs and tantrums again. Sigh. Oh to be super glam and living in the big smoke.

We had a GREAT link up last week with lots of people joining in and I could see loads of commenting going on which was great. My favourites were DIY make up from Twinderelmo, some crap crafts from Northern New Mum and a prefect tantrum from Someones Mum Blog. Thanks so much for linking up! Can't wait to see what you have got lined up for me this week. As per usual link up, tweet me or tag me on instagram so I can follow, then comment lots and watch the come back to you ten fold (OK that may be a bit of an exaggeration). Have a great week! And it's nearly time for half term and the joy of no school runs. WAHOO!

Linky Rules

Monday, 8 February 2016

Not Good At Growing Up

I am 38. I still tell people I am mid 30's.  NEVER nearly 40. Although life evidently begins then. Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what is going to change drastically by the end of next year which means that my life will begin. Will I move to a mansion? Probably not. Will I start having the most glamorous social life? My children will be 4 and 6 so I would say the chances are slim. Your teens are spent waiting for the time you can get drunk and drive (not together). Your 20's are spent hoping Mr Right walks through the door at any time whilst you also try to organise some sort of career. Your 30's are spent waiting to get married and reproduce. So what's next for me?

I am incredibly lucky. I have a lovely house, car, other half, two kids, dog and a guinea pig. I love teaching and have fallen in love with writing. By rights I should be high fiving myself and thinking "you're living the dream my friend, now just enjoy it". But there is something that makes me worry that this is it. I am now never going to be an international pop star. Gary Barlow is more than likely not going to sweep me off my feet. And size 8 jeans from Top Shop? Probably will never adorn my huge arse.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME! (mmmm but I don't really sing, or dance or ever tried to be a popstar)

My Top 5 Box Sets To Gorge On

One of the most tricksome things about becoming a parent is that a lot of the time? You are stuck in the house. Date nights are a thing of the past, trips to the flicks do not exist and generally the lack of sleep means that you end up sitting in most evenings twiddling your fingers wondering what to do. And this my friend? Is why box sets exist! What did we do before they arrived in our lives? HOW DID WE JUST WATCH ONE HOUR A WEEK OF A PROGRAMME WE LOVED? The mind boggles. So here are my favourite box sets to gorge on.

Perfect To Weep To: Greys Anatomy
I have always been a huge Greys fan and watched it avidly for years. And then you know what happens. You miss one season and then can't quite catch up. So this month I have been watching Grey and co on and off. And yesterday morning? The finale made me weep before I went to work. If you want to watch it from the very begining there are well over 200 episodes on NOW TV. Make sure you have tissues to hand. Lots of them.

I watch Greys purely to learn about hospitals and stuff and not because of handsome men

Saturday, 6 February 2016

10 Signs You Know You Have Been 'Toddlered'

1) Your Sky Plus used to be full of the hottest new shows. It is now full of series of Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol and the quite frankly creepy AF...Mr Tumble.

2) You have got changed for bed at night only to realise that you have spent the whole day with stickers acting as elaborate Marvel nipple tassells on your top.

The idea of Captain America on my nips is more exciting than the reality

3) You have raisins crushed into the bottom of every pair of shoes you own. Hiding in the bottom of your work bag. Rotting in the car seat and tucked underneath every single chair in the house. F*CK YOU RAISINS.

4) You are essentially a cart horse for whatever crap your toddler wants you to hold #mummyismybiatch