Friday, 20 July 2018

10 Ways To Survive The School Summer Holidays

1. It's Ok To Dread The Summer Holiday A Bit
It might be because you have the nightmare of trying to work out childcare or because like me you are faced with six weeks with two small children. It's OK to dread the summer holidays a bit. Whilst a lot of moments can be magical there are some bits? That are f*cking hard work.

2. Your Children Won't Get Square Eyes
So I've got my two beauts alone for six weeks. 11 hours a day. That equates to over 330 hours to entertain them. So I am telling you now if a few of those hours are watching TV so I can go for a wee, or watching a bit of YouTube so I can have a five minutes rest? I shall be feeling not one jot of guilt. Sometimes it's about survival.

3. No Mother Is An Island
If you can? Get help. Try and save up for a few summer play schemes. Or get your parents to take them out for a couple of days. Even if it's only two it's easier to know that in a fortnight you may have a day's rest. It will help the madness not seem so overwhelming.

summer holidays
WE ARE GOING ON A BUS THIS IS MY BEST DAY EVER!

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Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Dear Miss...A Little Thank You...

Dear Miss...

When you first met my little boy he refused to speak. He hid from you when you visited him at nursery. When I asked why. He told me in no uncertain terms that he was "NEVER GOING TO SPEAK TO HER EVER". So as last September approached I was worried. The youngest in our family, he had grown quite accustomed to being with Mummy. There was many a nursery drop off where I would leave him screaming and walk home with tears streaming down my face. I dreaded to think what his first year at school would bring.

When we tried his school uniform on in Matalan I burst out crying. The weeks leading up to the start of term involved me sniffing him continuously whilst telling him that 'Mummy loves you'. The thought of my baby leaving me very nearly broke my heart. But a year later? This is a letter to thank you for making my beautiful second born a truly gorgeous little boy. When I'm not around you and your wonderful colleagues have been there championing him on from the sidelines.


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Monday, 2 July 2018

To My Dearest Family...

To my dearest family
There are some simple ways to impress me
If you do these things without much fuss
You won't hear Mummy scream, shout or cuss

Place your washing in the basket and not right next to it
Flush the chain, when you take an almighty sh*t
Replace the toilet roll when it's done
I'm not your servant. I'm your Mum!

When you trash your room at night 
Please tidy it up much to my delight
When you get out every single book you own
Remember this is not a tip. This is in fact your home!

You drop your bag when you walk through the door
Not in the cupboard but just on the floor
You look at me when I start to complain 
Like I've lost the plot when I SCREAM YOUR NAME!!!

CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS

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Thursday, 28 June 2018

The Truth Behind The #ADs

I get a lot of DMs and comments asking me about my job. Often the first time I meet someone and tell them what I do they say they don't understand how I make money. Or they express that they think I am really lucky to have such an easy career. I never really get offended. I will try and explain to them how it works. This industry is very new, especially for people from my generation who see it as something unobtainable and cannot quite fathom it out. So I thought I would explain step by step what goes behind producing a #AD. How I get approached, how I create the ADs and most importantly...how the hell do I get money for it!

Step 1 - The Approach
As I have been blogging for over four years I have built up a contact list of PRs, agencies and companies who approach me to work with brands. They want to put their product in front of my wonderful and engaged 160K followers. In the beginning I made sure that I had my email across all social media so they could get in touch with me easily. I probably on average get between 10-20 emails a day with perhaps one or two being relevant. Relevant to me is that it is a brand I like, my followers would like and I would receive payment in exchange for my work. We are asked to work for free VERY often. I politely decline (mamas got school shoes to buy!).

This #AD in a dressing gown in my house making cocktails. Took WEEKS to produce!

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Friday, 22 June 2018

20 Signs You Are The Parent Of A Child In Reception

1) You learn nothing from being at school yourself and end up doing homework with them in a last minute panic. EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

2) You have to read books about some bellend called Biff relentlessly. It also dawns on you when you are helping them with their 'shapes' homework you are not entirely sure of the names of shapes yourself.

3) Due to a child that seems to use his shoes as tool to just scrape the playground floor you have to actually buy shoe polish and learn how to use it. Or find yourself in true Mother style exclaiming "HOW MUCH?" when you go to buy another pair of Clarks shoes mid term.

4) Your child has a far better social life than you and rather than spending each Saturday recovering from the night before. You spend each Saturday at a 5 year olds party. Internally weeping whilst shoving cocktail sausages down your gob in an effort to forget your booze fuelled past.

school run
Biff is a kn*b

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