Wednesday, 26 October 2016

To My Girl. Love The Skin You're In

To my beautiful girl

You are 5 and you are the most wonderful creature. You have endless legs that I have no clue where they have come from and the most beautiful, wonderful clear skin. Sometimes you look like a porcelain doll. Recently you've been a bit worried about as one of your teeth has fallen out so your big cheesy grin is not quite so big and cheesy. But you needn't worry. You're gorgeous. And I'm here to say you will always be gorgeous.

Recently Mummy has been a bit poorly and can't quite get around as much as she is used to. It's nothing too serious and hopefully you will never remember the time she couldn't take you on the school run or whizz you up to Rainbows in the car. It is just a blip. But whilst all this is going on it has taught Mummy something important. It truly matters not what you look like. Just that everything works. There will be times in your life when you're not just worried about a cute missing tooth. You might think your belly is too big. Or your nose too long.

I want to eat you for my tea

Monday, 24 October 2016

What's REALLY In A McDonald's Happy Meal?

When I was growing up it was seen as the ultimate treat to be taken to McDonalds with my parents. It wasn't something that we did that often but when we did? We relished every second of it. This is a tradition that I've continued with my own daughter. Going to get a Happy Meal is her idea of heaven. So when I was asked to take a look at the variety of different options available in today's Happy Meal? I knew that I would have a willing reviewer on my hands and I was looking forward to learning more about the changes they've made in the past 15 years to ensure their meals are more balanced.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

9 Things That Can Break The Average Family

Ah families. Before you have children you and your other half chat about all the things you will to together when you are a unit. The adventures you will have. Experiences you will enjoy with your offspring. It's going to be magical. It's going to be wonderful. It's going TO NEVER HAPPEN. As it becomes clear that there are certain situations that no matter what will break the average family. Even a family that actually gets on can be tried and tested and one if not all of them will end up crying or whisper swearing. So here are 9 ways that are guaranteed to ruin a wonderful family experience and make you wish you never bothered.

1. Car Journeys
You have organised a wonderful holiday. You have forward planned and made sure each child has a tablet, snacks, their favourite toy and poundland stickers. Still within 20 minutes your car? BECOMES A TINY JAIL OF HELL! Tablets are dropped on the floor and no-one can reach them. Someone hit someone in the face with a toy. Someone is crying they want the window open and someone says they feel sick. You threaten to go home at least 86 times. But know you never will and have at least 5 f*cking hours till you get to your destination.

2. Meals Out
Technically what could go wrong? You're out together as a family celebrating a birthday. You don't have to cook. You don't have to clean up. Sounds glorious. But then for some inexplicable reason your food takes an hour to come. You can't find the Wifi code so your kids can't watch Kinder Eggs being opened on your phone. Someone spills a drink. Someone tips salt everywhere and when the chips finally arrive? They are hotter than the sun. People stare and you wish you had celebrated in a drive through like last year.


Saturday, 22 October 2016

Snazaroo Helps Useless Mums SMASH Halloween!

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know that I am not the most crafty of mothers. In fact? I can hand on heart say that the many times I have tried to do anything artistic I have failed miserably. Generally outfits for Halloween are bought from the shops in a last minute panic. So when Snazaroo got in touch asking me to create a couple of face painting tutorials for YouTube I replied "are you sure?". They said "yes". I replied again "are you sure you're sure?". And it appears they were...

halloween facepaint

Thursday, 20 October 2016

The Absent Mum - A Little Life Update

I have tried to write this blog post about five times and each one was more depressing and mopey than the previous one. So I am going to try again and endeavour to be as positive as possible. As many of you know four weeks ago I trapped a nerve in my back. Yes in a 'hilarious mother trying to twerk' incident. So for nearly a month I have been confined to the house. For over two weeks my bed. I dramatically went to the hospital, wet my bed and have been to the doctors more than I care to remember. It's been sh*t. Like proper sh*t. And the situation doesn't appear to be changing anytime soon.

They don't half train them young nowadays

Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Wicked Wednesdays 19th October

Hello and welcome to this weeks Wicked Wednesdays! I hope you have had a great seven days and that you aren't sat in your house terrified of ruddy killer clowns. If you're on half term I hope your kids are behaving and if yours isn't until next week? I trust you are making the most of your last few hot teas before the scrapping starts. I'm afraid I am STILL poorly and stuck in the house which sucks but I did manage to go to see Trolls at the weekend. ROCK N ROLL!

Thanks so much to everyone that linked up last week. There were some proper good ones that made me giggle. My favourite three were a Thomas tangle from Picking Up Toys, a different kind of colouring pad from Mummy Here And There and the eternal struggle to wee in peace from Ready For A Cuppa. These really made me laugh and cheered up my very boring day! Now go and link up, comment lots and don't forget to tag me in on instagram or twitter! See you next week!

Linky Rules