Wednesday, 20 March 2019

Why Mother's Day Is SO Important To Mums.

Being a Mum is a funny old job. There are no pay rises if you do something particularly amazing like I dunno, teach your child how to poo in a potty. There's no appraisals and no boss to say "you are doing a bloody amazing job!". It's a 24/7 career and sometimes it can be pretty damn demeaning. From cleaning up sick and wee, to wiping yet another grubby bottom. There's also the element of this vocation which relies on you being able to cope on no sleep and all in all. It can be f*cking exhausting.

I always remember being baffled after my first born. I said to friends "I have been doing everything for this tiny human for six months and am not really getting anything back". OK there was the odd gummy grim (or was that a burp?) and there sometimes a cute giggle (again or was that a burp?). As your children get older of course you get the "I love you" and hugs that knock you off your feet but still no-one really can pin point if you are doing 'it' (whatever it is) right.


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Thursday, 14 March 2019

My Family. The Sitcom.

When I was growing up there was nothing I loved more than a good old fashioned sitcom about a family. Hands up if you remember 2.4 Children or the wonderful Linda Bellingham portraying a slightly hassled Mum in everything from TV shows to ads for gravy. They were an easy watch and everyone knew that the antics that cropped up weren't real. No-one could have that many family disasters or ridiculous situations in their homes. I used to think that life wasn't really like that was it? As when you are all big and grown up and have kids of your own everything is perfect.

Until I got all big and grown up and had kids of my own and it dawned on me that my own life currently represented a sitcom of epic proportions. But no one was watching it. I wasn't being paid to act out the "hilarious" situations that occurred and more often than not they were far more bizarre than TV ever showed it. Recent episodes include 'The Day The Dog Ate A Grape And Had To Be Rushed To The Vet To Be Made Sick And It Was Pancake Day And The Dog Vomited All Over Dad's Car' or who can forget the classic holiday edition of 'We Went To New York And Along With Our Cases We Also Flew Over Nits'. That was a GREAT one.


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Sunday, 10 March 2019

Under The Influence

This is a story of my first love. I met a boy when I was in sixth form and I adored him. It was magical...but what I adored more than anything was his parents house. It was amazing. It was three storeys of utter beauty. Every nook and cranny was filled with books, framed posters, art from the places they had visited. Knick knacks on every shelf. God I loved it. And I thought "when I am older that's exactly what I want my house to be like". I wanted people to be able to walk in and see that I had lived, loved and had adventures. Then two years ago we finally managed to buy our very own dream three storey terraced home.

But something had changed. By now I was fully ingrained into the world of social media. And every day I was faced with photos and videos of beautiful houses. With huge kitchens. Immaculate living rooms. It made me look at my house and start to long for more. I would enter a shop and become paralysed. Stop dead in my tracks. The thought processes I began to have were along the lines of "what if I buy the wrong thing?" "why can't I work out what is on trend?" "what the hell do I like?". I began to look at my strange little objects and wonder why they all looked out of place.

I like gnomes. Now back off.

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Monday, 4 March 2019

The Five Stages Of Tackling World Book Day

Denial
After the Christmas holidays one of the school Mums mentions something about World Book Day. You scoff it is "MONTHS away". Isn't it like in June or something? You've got ages to prepare. You pop onto Pinterest to create an 'Easy World Book Day Ideas' board but don't. Instead you devote one to topless men and another to house interiors you will NEVER be able to afford.

Anger
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORLD BOOK DAY IS IN THREE DAYS? HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED? I F*CKING HATE WORLD BOOK DAY. THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING A STAND. THIS YEAR THEY CAN GO IN THEIR UNIFORM. WHO NEEDS BOOKS ANYWAY? NOT ME. BOOKS ARE FOR LOSERS. F*CK YOU WORLD BOOK DAY!"

world book day

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Wednesday, 27 February 2019

Visiting New York With Children!

New York With kids

We recently returned from a trip to New York City. We stayed for five nights over the half term break and much to a lot of people's surprise we took our six year old son and eight year old daughter. I can hand on heart say that it was one of the best holidays I have ever had. It was a non stop whirlwind of fun, shopping and a sprinkling of snow. I had a lot of DMs whilst I was away from people who said if it was suitable for children or not so I thought I would do a post on our experience. Here goes...

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