13 Things I Miss About Crap Halloweens

1. There were no decorations in shops for a solid month before October. The lead up to Halloween in your house was the day before. Possibly the weekend before if your parents were feeling really enthusiastic.

2. You always wished that the UK did Halloween like they did in America. Why didn't our streets look like the ones in Beverly Hills 90210? Why wasn't our school all done up for a Halloween ball like in Saved By The Bell? WHY WAS ENGLAND JUST SO CRAP.

3. You had never seen a pumpkin in the flesh (except for on Beverly Hills 90210) let alone carved one in an intricate pattern. You longed to try pumpkin pie. You imagined it tasted amazing.

4. You asked your Mum for some decorations. She gets you a couple of plastic witch masks from the shop with elastic that got trapped in your hair. Or they would crack and your face would get shredded. And no one can forget the feeling of trying to stick your tongue through the little mouth hole #sharp.

5. If you were REALLY lucky. Your Dad would bring you home some plastic long fingers. But like two. Which you would put on each forefinger and stroke your chin in an evil fashion.

Stick your tongue out and shred it if you dare...

10 Ways To Stay Sane This Summer Holiday

It's time for the summer holidays! Which can be daunting enough in a 'normal' year. But 2020 threw a total spanner in the works for some of us who have had our kids with us since March. And let me just say for all those parents who aren't fortunate enough to work from home or be with their kids this summer. I send you love and luck in finding child care. You are ruddy heroes!

This post is for those Mums and Dads who might be thinking "oh god I've got another SIX WEEKS OF TIME TO FILL". I am here to help! Enjoy a few simple tips and tricks to help keep you sane, help keep your children happy and most of all help you all have fun! Here goes...

1) REWARD CHARTS

I am not adverse to a bit of bribing. Call it positive praise if you want to sound fancy. At the start of the holiday make a little reward chart, buy some cheap stickers from Poundland and think of three things you would like your children to work on. Could be picking up LEGO, sharing, going to bed nicely. At the end of the week they get a treat. Or you could give them pocket money towards going on a little trip at some point in the holiday.

Plan a dress up afternoon and try not to scare the dog!

So It Looks Like You're Off To School...

(A little vintage post written when I got the letter about my youngest going to school...sob)

Dear Beautiful Boy

Today I got the email I had been avoiding thinking about. The one that says you are leaving me. The one that says that as of September you are no longer mine but you are are going off out into the big wide world. You are off to school. When I wrote a similar letter to your big sister two years ago it didn't hurt quite so much as I had you. You were there to fill my days with giggles and cuddles. You were there to snuggle in front of the tele with me. Go on adventures to parks or pop to Poundland for treats your sister didn't know about. But now you're off too.

Perfect Arts And Crafts For Your Homeschool!

(This is a paid advertorial by wilko) Many of you reading this will be at home at the moment trying to keep your little ones occupied during this unprecedented time. You might be homeschooling, entertaining them during the weekend as you are an all important key worker or hoping to keep them busy whilst you take a conference call in another room. wilko, alongside all of its stores being open for essentials, is currently still running an online service. Which means you can order all sorts of bits and pieces to while away the hours. Ensuring your children are happy and leaving you to focus on what needs to be done around the house.

10 Reasons Why Female Friends Kick Ass

1. When You're Boring? They Listen
They will listen when I'm cross with my husband. They will be there when I've fallen out with someone at work. They patiently smile whilst I bang on about a never ending tirade of boring crap that normal people would say "SHUT THE F*CK UP" too. But my friends? Listen.

2. When You're Laughing. They Laugh Too
My friend and I call each other Linda. That's not funny. But to us? Hilarious. There is no one on earth that will make you belly laugh like a friend. To the point where tears are rolling down your face and a little bit of wee comes out. Which makes you laugh more.

3. They Love You. Even When You Look Like Sh*t
It has got to the stage with my closest friends that I am reluctant to put a bra on for them. In fact if you visit my house and I have no bra on and am in my pyjamas? Then you my friend are on my besties list. And if I do the same in your house? Consider yourself honoured (and maybe have a word with me as that is a step too far).

#nobra