Saturday, 22 September 2018

11 Reasons Mums Look FIT AF In The Autumn!

Oh autumn you amazing thing of beauty. You are the one season in the year when us Mum's come into our own. When we feel slightly more human. In fact sometimes it can be said we even look "a bit fit". Summer? Is hot and clammy. We can never tell if it's going to be a bit cold so we sweat under our boobs in our Mum coats, forget to shave our legs and end up in maxi skirts and leggings all the time. Winter we worry about snow, forgetting mittens and slipping arse over tit in floral Matalan wellies. Spring is spent with our hood up moaning about the rain whilst we wait for summer. Which we have forgotten we hate.

But autumn? Is our season. Because in autumn our Mum's uniform can be passed off as an actual choice. That we went into a shop and decided to look a certain way rather than just shoving the nearest thing onto us as we run out of the door. So behold the 'looks' us Mums rock in Autumn. And for once? Feel part of the in crowd. Instagram says we are bang on trend. And who are we to argue?


Thick. Black. Tights
I favour my tights to be black as the nights sky and coming right up to my tits. Ideally under my armpits. Don't tell anyone but I wore my maternity tights till my son was three. And only then stopped as the gusset went. Tights hold in bellies. Tights smooth out hairy legs. Tights? Were created by God for us to enjoy.

I would actually like these tights to be a bit higher

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Sunday, 16 September 2018

When You're 'That Family'

Today we went to Chessington World of Adventures. They have a lovely little area where you buy tiny tubs of nectar for £2 each. Then you walk through and feed the birds. A bit like Mary Poppins. I looked in and saw all these families happily posing for photos with teeny tiny birds gracing their arms. They were smiling. It looked perfect. I imagined the instagrams I was going to take of my two beautiful babies covered in wild birds. We entered in. Camera at the ready, and my phone in my other hand so I could take an amazing Boomerang...then the sh*t hit the fan and the following occurred.

Five birds flew at my seven year old. Who screamed like an eagle was about to rip her face off. Not only did she scream but she started jumping around. "HELP ME! GET THEM OFF! HEEELLLP ME!". But she couldn't drop the nectar through fear. So I grabbed it out of her hand and gave it to my husband who looked equally terrified. My son then also felt the fear and as a bird landed on his nectar he threw the tub across the floor also screaming. Everyone was screaming. OK not everyone. All the other families looked elegant and gobsmacked. Whilst I forced my husband to have a photo as he said through gritted teeth "it just f*cking bit me". We were 'that family'.


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Wednesday, 12 September 2018

The 18 FRUSTRATING Steps To Leaving The House For The School Run

Step 1. Remember how soul destroying trying to leave a house with small people is and decide to begin the process 30 minutes earlier that you need to.

Step 2. Instantly forget how soul destroying trying to leave a house with small people is and do any of the following; quickly put the washing away/drink luke warm tea/decide randomly to tidy the toy box/anything that means you don't have to start said soul destroying process.

Step 3. SH*T YOU HAVE TWENTY MINUTES TO LEAVE THE HOUSE! EVERYBODY GET DRESSED! GET YOUR TEETH CLEANED! WHERE THE HELL IS MY OTHER BOOT! STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER! JUST GET READY!

Step 4. 7 minutes later...no one bar you has moved. F*ck.

You ready bab? OH FFS

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Sunday, 2 September 2018

An Open Letter For When Your Baby Starts School...

Dear Mum and Dad...

Very soon your beautiful baby is about to start school. You can't believe how quickly the past four years have gone. Your heart hurts when you think about seeing them walk away from you in the playground for the first time. Their little chubby legs in white socks and jumpers that look like they may drown in them. You may have had a little cry on their last day at nursery or pre-school. And there's been the odd night where your heart has felt heavy when you think of them going out into the big bad world.

I know how you feel as last year? That was me. I spent the whole of the summer worrying about whether my beautiful boy would eat his school lunch. I panicked that he may not have the right PE shorts and prayed to God that he would make at least one friend to call his own. And secretly? I prayed to God that I too would make one friend to call my own. The school playground looked just as daunting to me as I am sure it did to him.

starting school
EEK

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Thursday, 30 August 2018

My Superstar Seven Year Old!

One of the best things about my blog is that sometimes I get to do the most amazing things with my children. Things that when they look back they will be able to go "wow look what we did with Mum!". So I was really excited when Bassetts Vitamins got in touch and asked if my seven year old would be able to draw a picture that would be featured as part of their national ad campaign. The campaign is based around how parents love Bassetts Vitamins because their kids do. And as we have worked with the brand a few times on the blog I can confirm its something we all love as a family. That, combined with the fact that my daughter adores drawing makes it a match made in heaven.

Bassetts Vitamins


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