I often find myself jealous of my three year old. I find three to be the utter best age to be. You can get away with murder and the most worrying thing in your life is if your card will make it on Milkshake when it's your birthday. So below are my top ten reasons why being three is bloody brilliant:
1) you believe. You believe in Father Christmas, you believe that Mr Tumble and Justin are two different (and both equally odd) people, you believe that the seriously large George at Peppa Pig World really is him.
2) you get chauffeur driven to parties literally on a weekly basis. Sometimes two in one day. And then when you have been fed the best food ever (party food is the dream). You are given presents to go home with!
3) if you accidentally wee yourself in public it's ok. In fact go the full hog and poo yourself. No one minds. And even better? Someone will wipe your arse when you've finished. And have a spare change of clothes for you.
4) if you do manage to poo on the toilet more than likely you will be cheered and given chocolate. Poo = chocolate. Amazing.
5) you get to totally monopolise the tele. If you want to have Peppa bloody Pig on all day every day as background noise. This is fine. But when your mother dare sneaks on a bit of Made in Chelsea when you're happily playing tea parties in another room (toddlers have bat hearing). You are allowed to scream and sometimes you cleverly even manage to change the channel yourself.
6) everything is bigger. A cup cake to an adult is a tasty treat. To a three year old? It's like eating an actual whole birthday cake. Imagine?
7) you can go out dressed as Spider-Man or Sleeping Beauty and it's totally acceptable. In fact people think it's cute. I once went out as Super Girl. People clearly thought I was a prostitute.
8) when you go to restaurants you get balloons and colouring. Every time. And if you throw your food everywhere no one minds. And the best thing? You don't have to pay the bill.
9) you are continuously entertained. Soft play, painting, ballet, tap, zoos, farms, playdates, rhythm and rhyme, play group and so on. Again. Poo or wee yourself in any of these places. It's fine!
10) finally. It is perfectly acceptable for you to get your bum out. Hell you may get it out at any point. In front of family, friends, even the neighbours! No one cares. Past three it just becomes a bit weird.
PS Erin didn't even have to worry about getting her card on Milkshake. Me and her Father sent cards to Milkshake, CBeebies and Nick Junior. To ensure no heartache.