The Dream: You held the last play date at your house and it was such a success. The kids played nicely. They bonded. You and the Mothers laughed. IT WAS AMAZING! So it's time to go to someone else's house to experience such joy just in a different location.
The Reality: You have literally exhausted every single possibility to ensure that NO playdate ever takes place at your own house. You've even gone to random neighbours houses. And once you may have lied and said you had a leak so your house was out of bounds. F*ck. There's no escaping. Four kids are coming to your house and there's nothing to stop it.
The Dream: As you are off to someone else's house you happily pack a few nappies and pop a few healthy snacks in a bag. Jump in the car and drive off.
The Reality: MY HOUSE IS A MESS. So you spend an hour quickly tidying it up. You know your friends won't judge (oh my god they will so judge). You get the baby wipes out and give the living room table a clean. Quickly kicking Lego under the couch as you go.
No really it's fine! They haven't made much of a mess (I AM FUMING)
The Dream: Once you arrive at your destination the kids embrace each and run off happily and play together. All you can hear is the sound of giggling and singing of educational songs whilst you sup your hot tea.
The Reality: Your friend's kids arrive and are perfectly lovely, polite and happy. Your kids? GO BAT SH*T CRAY CRAY AND SCREAM AND SHOUT AND SOMEONE PUSHES SOMEONE OVER AN ELSA DOLL AND YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSED AND YOU THREATEN THE NAUGHTY STEP WITHIN FIVE MINUTES WHY IS IT SO HOT OH GOD THIS IS MORTIFYING.
The Dream: Your friend has organised some cookie making and decorating. There is a small table with colouring on. You instagram shots of the kids looking happy. God your children look great in lo-fi.
The Reality: Sh*t you forget to plan ANY activities. You find some tatty princess book to colour in and your kids start fighting over it whilst your friends kids look on agog. You try to take a photo. Your kids won't look at the camera. Instead choosing to scream at each other. You give up. You put Peppa on. Peace at last.
LOOK LIKE YOU ARE HAVING FUN MY PAIR!
The Dream: Your friend has organised a healthy mix of veg and fruit and favourites like mini sausages and teeny tiny sandwiches.
The Reality: You finally win at playdate by organising a healthy mix of veg and fruit and favourites like mini sausages and teeny tiny sandwiches. They of course think "f*ck that" whilst looking at the fruit and veg and consume cocktail sausages by the fistful like they have never seen such a delicious food. You sadly nibble on a warm bit of cucumber.
The Dream: You all pitch in together, even the kids, and help to tidy up. As you friend has a helpful toy filing system the room is tidied up in no time. You leave exclaiming "see you again next week! At my house!".
The Reality: You friends half arsedly say "Oh do you want a hand with that?". You passively aggressively say "no" and that "really they haven't made that much mess at all!". While looking in horror at your destroyed house. You are relieved that you've done your turn and that means you've got a good six months before you have to go through this horror again. Result!
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