Friday, 20 November 2015

6 Repulsive Things We Do For Love

Before you had kids you would heave when you had to tidy the cat litter tray, or pick up your puppies poo. Any tiny stain on the couch would be cleaned within an inch of it's life. And bodily fluids? Were NOT allowed on clothes. These were the rules. Life was clean. Then a teeny tiny human comes along. And overwhelming love makes your standards drop. In fact? Standards fly out the window...taking your dignity with it.

So. Much. Sh*t
I've had friends who have gone to work with a bit of baby poo on their trousers. I've been out and noticed a bit under my nails. Yesterday? Before my girl asked me to wipe her bum I saw her admiring her own poo stained bum in the mirror. Did I vom and go "THAT'S DISGUSTING!". Nope I said "pass me a baby wipe bab".

Wee Stained House
Pretty much every piece of furniture, every rug, every carpet in every room. Has been weed on. Without exception. I used to reason that baby wee wasn't like real wee it was virtually like water. And when my son weed in my face (a daily occurrence for the first six months) it was innocent. Cute even! Then when the toddler potty training wee begins? And their wee smells like wee, looks like wee and is wee? I continued the mantra that it was just water. And brought LOTS of Fabreeze.

We go through life being told not to pick our nose. We know it's not right. It's gross isn't it? Yet...when I see my son has the MOTHER of all bogies, appearing to block up a whole right nostril? I HAVE to get the bad boy out. It's weirdly quite therapeutic. And I feel a real sense of achievement! (I need a hobby).

Food in Hand
Sometimes you give your child some food. They start to chew and it dawns on them? They hate it. You see that look in their eyes. The look of panic. They look of "what the hell do I do?". So you kindly offer out your hand and watch them spew the whole gobful into it. You then realise you are in the middle of a shopping centre and have to dispose of it. Luckily you are adept at the 'removing a baby wiped from the packet with one hand' trick.

What's Yours Is Mine
Hands up who has absently finished off a child's meal whilst they wash up as it would be a waste? Or has walked through the living room and spotted a rogue Smartie on the floor so you pop it in your mouth? Or the lowest of the low. When stood there with a handful of chewed up food, and no wipes, and nowhere to put your own mouth? We've all swallowed a half chewed wotsit or a spit covered nugget. No?

My Hand Is Your Tissue
It's that season of snot. And generally when I am walking with my two on the school run one, or both will have snot running down their nose I either a) use the bottom of my coat to wipe it or b) my hand. Yep. My hand. My hand is a tissue. Why I simple don't shove some tissues in my pocket? I do not know.

There's probably loads of other things I do that are so disgusting I have repressed them. I know I love smelling their sweaty feet and have been known to kiss a bare bum. But one day? When I am old and grey it will be their turn to clean up my bodily fluids so really? It's a fair exchange.


  1. My daughter weed on our bed for the first time the other day. She's been on a change mat on the bed after her bath, crawled off and then weed!! Typical :/

  2. Wee is defo water 😅😅😅 my son didn't put his willy in the toilet and I got wee'd on, on Wednesday whilst at playgroup..... 😅😅

  3. Wee is defo water 😅😅😅 my son didn't put his willy in the toilet and I got wee'd on, on Wednesday whilst at playgroup..... 😅😅

  4. Brilliant post. I laughed all the way through and can relate to ALL of it. 😃😃😃

  5. Ha ha! Brilliant. I was a little bit worried that the red writing was links (but I still looked) I'm a bit of a bad mummy cos I'm still grossed out by much of this. My son is always trying to share his toothbrush and snacks and I must confess I fake it.

  6. Oh god I'm glad I'm not alone I often wipe my sons nose with a thumb, my kids dirty mouth with a bit of spit and a thumb swipe. I also let them regergitate their food into my hand blurgh!

  7. Id just started potty training my son, he was dry through the day but id always put a nappy on him at night. One night I could hear him up and about in his room. When i got upstairs I founds he'd done a man sized poo, had removed his nappy and ripped said poo into pieces. He had put some down the ramp on his garage, some in a pretend shopping basket and left some on his bedside table as some sort of turd trophy. The rest he smeared down his legs ....

  8. I'm glad I'm not the only one! My most memorable moment was catching my son's (almost) solid poop in my hand...


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