Sunday, 5 April 2015

Ten Things To Do During an Episode of Peppa Pig

My children fight over everything. From what to have for our tea to what do during the day to who owns the free broken Mr Tumble phone that was purchased four years ago. Everything. Bar there is one little lady who unites them. And her name? Peppa. Peppa Pig. She is like toddler crack. She comes on? And there is five whole minutes of pure unadulterated... silence. And you have to take your moments where you can. So here are Ten Things To Do During an Episode of Peppa Pig. Because obviously if you watched that episode where the tortoise gets stuck up the tree AGAIN. You would smash your own face in.

1) Go for a wee
Alone! Five minutes in the loo alone! Without someone fighting downstairs, or weirdly just sat there watching you like a tiny psychopath. You may also want to multi task and do the second one on the list which is...

2) Read literature and ponder on the worlds problems (OK Heat Magazine)
Read a few pages of a trashy magazine, ponder the worlds greatest issues such as how do those cincher waist things work on the Kardashian sisters. If you could be arsed to wear one whilst watching TOWIE and lose 3 stone with no effort.

3) Send a tweet to Kim Kardashian
Twitter is to be used to keep up to date with hot political topics and in no way shape or form just to gawp at celeb lives and tweet Kim K to see how those cincher waist things work.

4) Send a romantic/angry text to your husband
You could use your five minutes to send a message of love to your husband. Orrrr you could drop him an angry emoticon as you have ran out of loo roll and have resorted to a dangerous toilet blocking combination of kitchen roll and baby wipes.

5) Make a Pinterest board of Jamie Dornan topless
Nuff said. Just maybe keep it private. Doesn't look quite right next to your 'Shabby Chic Table Displays for Spring'.


6) Play one game of Suduko
You could do. But you would be a bloody idiot if you did.

7) Make a cup of tea drinking scorching hot and burn mouth 
QUICK QUICK QUICK make a cup of tea, and drink it hot instead of cold. However it is now so hot you scold your whole mouth but this is better than that grim luke warm tea that slips down your throat like sick.

8) Shove your head in the fridge and eat three milky ways
Best way to cool a scolding hot mouth? Eating three of your children's chocolate bars in quick succession with your head in the fridge. Coughing when you undo the wrapper.

9) Polish the sideboard
Ha! F*uck that. 

10) Plan how you would eat Peppa with a side portion of Mr Potato 
Totes sausage and chips. Chip shop style. Bingly bongly YUM!

36 comments:

  1. Love it!
    Was quite disturbed by the smell of bacon sandwiches when we arrived at Peppa Pig world - seemed inappropriate!!

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  2. Omg gis the link to the Jamie Dornan pics x

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    1. Oh you do love that man don't you? x

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  3. Haha love it. I know all these episodes off by heart now. Bong Bing boo Bing bong Bing... Lol

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    1. We saw the first episode ever yesterday! And then I realised I had seen in 100 times before x

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  4. hahahahaha you are hilarious! We can't watch 5 minute shows in our house, I get fed up of the theme tune every few minutes, DOES MY HEAD IN!! x

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  5. I love this. Peppa Pig you are my saviour too. It's all that keeps both of my twins glued to the screen. And 5 mins (maybe 10!) is lovely to have just a little bit of well-earned peace. Hilarious! Jess xx

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  6. LL my youngest is Peppa OBSESSED! She wouldn't notice if there was a marching band dancing round the living room if it was on! ;)

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    1. Oh you have to get her to Peppa World! x

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  7. Take those moments while you can! These all seem like excellent uses of time. I would always prioritise chocolate. And the toilet. But never together. There's a line you don't cross and that is it.
    Would you believe I miss Peppa? I used to love her. And Daddy Pig when he messed up his map-reading or putting up pictures.

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    1. Ha ha ha ha!!! Chocolate on the toilet has really made me laugh! x

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  8. Ha ha. I have it best. I've now deleted all the Peppa Pig episodes (all 80 of them, thank god), and now N's back onto the much nice and less in your face Peter Rabbit - 10 minutes long, or the longer episodes at 20 minutes. Oh, and he's now onto Horrid Henry...which the OH says is inappropriate, but my reasoning is that Henry never really gets his way. Plus it makes me chuckle because my brother in law is called Henry, and my OH is Ralph! Pah ha ha

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    1. TWENTY MINTUES IS THE DREAM!!!!!!! I need to get onto that asap! x

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  9. My Peppa days are over! BUT we are HOOKED on Zack and Quack and that lasts for TEN minutes, SO...I can do two of your list! OR eat 6 milky ways. Score!

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    1. Oh hell yeah we watch that in this house. It has a weirdly catchy theme tune no? x

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  10. Haha, love this, although Peppa Pig was always far too short for my liking. We've now graduated to the Disney Junior channel and I love that the programmes last for twenty minutes plus. Time to drink a brew at a leisurely pace xx

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  11. Ha! That made me laugh s much. My two year old and four year old daughters love Peppa and it's the best thing to put on when they are about to slay each other. Oh the calming force of Peppa. Now excuse me my head needs to visit the fridge...................

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  12. I love peppa and this list. My vote is for eating in the fridge. Perhaps I could put my phone in there too so I could look at James Dornan naked and perhaps tweet him - I wonder if he would answer?

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  13. I am now thinking about Jamie Dornan topless a lot, this seems like a good way to pass ten minutes xx

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  14. hah I'm sat here reading this sniggering and my husband is looking at me with that "wtf?"look on his face...but the stuffing of the chocolate bars with your head in the fridge is so me!! My son can hear the rustle of a bag of sweets 10 miles away I swear! xx

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  15. Peppa pig is sooo toddler crack!I'm having a bit of a hard time lately and you're blog is cheering me right up!xxx

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  16. Brilliant Emma! Love the angry text - possibly from the loo - bit! Xx

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  17. Ha ha ha ha ha how plays suduko these days?!?
    Love this!

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