5.4.15

Ten Things To Do During an Episode of Peppa Pig

My children fight over everything. From what to have for our tea to what do during the day to who owns the free broken Mr Tumble phone that was purchased four years ago. Everything. Bar there is one little lady who unites them. And her name? Peppa. Peppa Pig. She is like toddler crack. She comes on? And there is five whole minutes of pure unadulterated... silence. And you have to take your moments where you can. So here are Ten Things To Do During an Episode of Peppa Pig. Because obviously if you watched that episode where the tortoise gets stuck up the tree AGAIN. You would smash your own face in.

1) Go for a wee
Alone! Five minutes in the loo alone! Without someone fighting downstairs, or weirdly just sat there watching you like a tiny psychopath. You may also want to multi task and do the second one on the list which is...

2) Read literature and ponder on the worlds problems (OK Heat Magazine)
Read a few pages of a trashy magazine, ponder the worlds greatest issues such as how do those cincher waist things work on the Kardashian sisters. If you could be arsed to wear one whilst watching TOWIE and lose 3 stone with no effort.

3) Send a tweet to Kim Kardashian
Twitter is to be used to keep up to date with hot political topics and in no way shape or form just to gawp at celeb lives and tweet Kim K to see how those cincher waist things work.

4) Send a romantic/angry text to your husband
You could use your five minutes to send a message of love to your husband. Orrrr you could drop him an angry emoticon as you have ran out of loo roll and have resorted to a dangerous toilet blocking combination of kitchen roll and baby wipes.

5) Make a Pinterest board of Jamie Dornan topless
Nuff said. Just maybe keep it private. Doesn't look quite right next to your 'Shabby Chic Table Displays for Spring'.


6) Play one game of Suduko
You could do. But you would be a bloody idiot if you did.

7) Make a cup of tea drinking scorching hot and burn mouth 
QUICK QUICK QUICK make a cup of tea, and drink it hot instead of cold. However it is now so hot you scold your whole mouth but this is better than that grim luke warm tea that slips down your throat like sick.

8) Shove your head in the fridge and eat three milky ways
Best way to cool a scolding hot mouth? Eating three of your children's chocolate bars in quick succession with your head in the fridge. Coughing when you undo the wrapper.

9) Polish the sideboard
Ha! F*uck that. 

10) Plan how you would eat Peppa with a side portion of Mr Potato 
Totes sausage and chips. Chip shop style. Bingly bongly YUM!

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