Dear beautiful girl
You are now 5 and in Year 1. Your first tooth fell out last week and yesterday you asked me "what happens in the afterlife?" (I nearly choked on my tea). You got a headteachers sticker today for writing. Earlier you did a pose and said "this is my teenagers movement" and did a huge cackle with a funny tooth missing smile. You are bright, you are amazing and you are hilarious. But you are also growing up and with that comes the realisation of a world is not all that it once seemed.
When you were small you were the first toddler to be up at a party dancing. You often would be found on our front door belting out a Disney Princess song and happily would have me do a funny walk down the street pretending to be a monster/chicken/whatever weird thing you wanted me to be. But today for the first time you said you felt "embarrassed". That you watched a video of you singing Annie on your Dad's phone and it made you want to close your eyes and cover your ears. It was embarrassing.
"But you're amazing and beautiful" I exclaimed. "No Mummy it's embarrassing". I was baffled. I couldn't get my head around the fact that this marvellous creature could ever feel embarrassed. As to me you are perfection. There is not one hair on your head, not one silly dance move, not one daft sentence. There is nothing that you should ever feel embarrassed about. Around me? Everyday you do something more to make me love you. To make me wonder how I managed to create such an beautiful human being.
I worry that this is the first of many not so nice feelings you will get. Rejection when you fall out with friends. Worry over exams. Anger when I won't let you stay out late. And heartbreak over a spotty teen I will want to kill with my bare hands. It's so sad that you can't live in the world where you happily will dance and sing in your pants to the neighbours and then give a quick flash of your bum before falling over in hysterics.
But just as I was here to help you to walk and talk, to read and write, I will be there to encourage you. To make you understand for however much your feel embarrassed by your actions I will feel double the amount of love. For every time you fall out with your friends I will be there by your side to listen and cuddle you. I'll help you revise. And I will say "I knew he was a moron" when you get dumped (and then inevitably get back together and I will have to swiftly backtrack). You are my girl. My best friend. I will NEVER be embarrassed by you. However I can't promise you won't be embarrassed by me. Especially when I greet your first boyfriend by doing my chicken walk.