Sunday, 15 January 2017

It's Never "Just You"

Being a Mother is a funny old thing. It's something that some of us long for. It may takes years to conceive. It can involve a rocky path including fertility treatment or soul destroying morning sickness. We can pour our heart, body and mind into preparing for this amazing bundle of joy. And when they finally arrive nature tells us that we are supposed to take to it like a duck to water. And that every single second should be a joy, a pleasure and the very best time of our lives. But that? Is not always the case.

I've been blogging about parenting now for the past three years. And it could be because I am an open book, enjoy a bit of TMI and TOTALLY overshare (apologies to the man in the photo shop who I told graphic details about my c section) but I have always been quite honest about my journey of being a Mother. For me it was really natural to write about the lows as well as the highs. And until I took a good look around at the world of social media I thought that is what everyone did. It never occurred to me that the struggles I were having were "just me".

Mommy Blogger

But then after reading hundreds of beautifully slick blogs, gazing at amazingly stunning instagrams and using Topsy and Tim's Mum as a role model (seriously that woman has to be on the crack). I did start to doubt myself. Maybe I am just really crap? Maybe I am the only Mum in the world who's son face plants in Asda over not being allowed Peppa Pig plasters? Perhaps everyone in the world always looks amazing? And could I be the only one to breathe a sigh of relief sometimes (and by sometimes I mean EVERY Friday night) when my beauties are in bed and there is a gin in my hand? And I'm not ashamed to say it made me have a little cry.

But I'm not. I know that now. You may be reading this as a new Mum. Or someone who hasn't quite had the bottle to say out loud "THIS IS A BIT SH*T SOMETIMES". Never ever feel that it's "Just Me" as I can promise it is never "Just You". I am not saying that there aren't some amazing women out there who are just like Topsy and Tim's Mum. And probably aren't on the crack (joke). I envy them. But there are millions of women just like us. Over the years I have replied to thousands of comments. Thousands and thousands. Many say "thank god it's not just me!". And that makes me sad. Really sad.

mummy blogger

That a lovely Mum is sat in her house wondering why she is not feeling 100% happy 100% of the time being a parent. Maybe thinking that she is doing it wrong. That she's missing something. You're not. You're far more normal than you think. You really are. It's NEVER "Just You" as you will always have "Just Me". Who loves her kids to death but sometimes needs five minutes peace. Who would bend over backwards to do anything should could for them. And not to sound too dramatic? Would lay down her life and die for them (that sounds ever so Peggy Mitchell). But like work, like friendships, like marriage, like EVERYTHING. Some days are going to be hard. Most days are going to be wonderful. And you are NEVER alone.

parenting guilt

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5 comments

  1. Kids born to push your buttons make you feel mad but then give you an angelic smile that makes the sun shine on the darkest days!

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  2. Thank you! After a particularly crappy day and feeling all the mummy guilt this evening, reading this made me feel better. Made me feel better about the fact that I was drinking gin & glad the kids were in bed. I been feeling low about things of late but reading this has boosted me and made me realise it's not just me. Thank you!! Xx

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  3. Such an important post and so very true! It's so easy to feel isolated as a parent and to feel scared to admit that sometimes it's hard work or tiring or boring or just downright crap. Thank goodness for the bloggers who tell it like it is and don't just show us all a sanitised version of 'real life'.

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  4. Thank you from the bottom of my heart like I said on your instagram my 13 year old is pushing buttons big time yes he's a teenager now but he's always been demanding and different but this is now been for the last year he hasn't settled at high school no other school has a place but he says he doesn't want to leave but I just can't get him too go and now his attendance is suffering I'm banging my head against a wall every day as no one at this school will listen I have to get his 8yr old brother to school too It's a joke I need two of me lol but my heart melts when my 8yr says mummy I love you an I will look after you when I'm older not be like my brother he's an idiot lol

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  5. Wonderfully said! It's so easy to feel that it's just me that feels that way. But everyone does - even the most (on the surface) perfect mothers pull their hair out sometimes.

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