But fear not! I am here to give you '10 Things You Should NOT Beat Yourself Up Over In 2017'. Save your tears for a late night repeat episode of One Born Every Minute. This year shall be guilt free! And when you find yourself losing your sh*t? Have a nice cup of tea, a packet of Smarties and refer back to this list.
Whilst we all know that breast is best and baby led weaning is the norm. You should feed your baby the way YOU see fit. As long as they are happy and healthy at the end of the day that is all that really matters.
Babies don't start off by sleeping through the night. It is f*cking horrific, brain numbing and soul destroying but you must embrace it. And do not listen to that woman at the baby club who says that hers did after a month. She's fibbing.
HE HAS A DUMMY QUICK CALL THE POLICE!
We are all in agreement that dummies look? Well look a bit common. But if it means it soothes your tiny tot for half hour so you can all get some rest? Then shove it in and think no more about it.
Children do things at different times. I kid you not my daughter couldn't jump till she was four and my son has a stammer. But those two beauties couldn't be any more perfect if they tried.
5) Hating Your Other Half
There is not a couple up and down the country that doesn't communicate through passive aggressive texts and angry emoticons for the first year. Friday nights are spent ignoring each other whilst you 'netflix and chill' (watching boxsets on the couch not sex obviously). It does get better. Eventually. Kinda.
6) Feeling A Bit Bored
Babies nap. A lot. Toddlers watch Peppa Pig. A lot. If you feel bored it doesn't mean that you hate your child. You just hate Peppa Pig. A lot #peppaisaknob
This wonderful lady is a 'Mum friend' we only looked this good. Once
7) Losing Friends
You've changed. And sometimes that means you may lose a few friends along the way. But you also make make new ones who are also totally and utterly exhausted and understand why you hate your husband.
8) Unsolicited Advice
People LOVE giving random baby advice. Whilst your first instinct is to smash them in the face. Hard. Just smile politely, walk away and totally ignore it. F*cking idiots.
Your toddler isn't the first kid to have a full breakdown in the magazine aisle in Asda. And certainly won't be the last. So ignore the shocked shoppers with their raised eyebrows and carry on with your
Tantrum in the middle of a shopping centre #standard
10) Making Wrong Decisions
You suddenly have to make loads of decisions. From tiny ones like what their first shoes should be to big ones about immunisation and school places. The worry that you may mess it all up is strong. But take it from someone who has made the odd mistake here and there. You are making these choices with all the love in your heart and generally? It will always turn out for the best. Promise.
I love them so much I want to eat them for my tea. But not in a weird way.