Monday, 10 August 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Using a Dummy

I have some exciting news! At last Posh Spice and I? Have something in common! Obviously we are both married to handsome men (cough cough) but we also? Have both turned to the dreaded d word to help soothe our children. I'm talking about...wait for it...it's coming...A DUMMY! Yes until the age of three my daughter used a dummy and my son? Is currently fast asleep with one shoved in his gob and three lying around the bed. And if this means I am a dreadful Mum? Then. So. Be. It



We started using dummies with our daughter after about three days of her sobbing constantly from birth. My Mum suggested it and I turned my nose up. Saying "No way, that's so trampy!". Cue a few hours later and we were shoving one in, happy to get a few moments peace with a relaxed baby. And then she had one for the next three years. When she was little, it was constant and then as she got older it was generally kept for bedtimes or for when she was poorly. Which is much like David Beckham's response to The Daily Mail criticising his decision to let Harper have a dummy at 4. We do what we can to keep our kids happy and settled. Some of us? Choose a dummy to help us on this path.


I too was featured in The Daily Mail (I AM JUST LIKE POSH TOLD YOU!) and it was the top picture where it is clear my son has got hold of a dummy before he jumped in the photo. And yep, there in the comments were people telling me to get rid of it. I have even had a small row with an elderly lady who made several rude comments about us calming him down with one after a particularly bad tantrum. 


But here's the thing. There is a stigma attached to a dummy. It's virtually like you are giving your child a can of full fat coke and a Mars Bar for their breakfast. I don't know why. But there just is. And maybe? Yeah maybe there was another way I could have chosen to settle my children. Maybe I could have stuck it out, soothed them better or taught them how to self soothe. But? Along with a host of other parenting failings. I didn't. Nope. I let them have dummies.

And? My two are happy. They are lovely. My daughter gave up her dummy on her third birthday to Father Christmas to give to Ruldolph. Never asked for it again. Boom. It was gone. I have no clue what will happen when we decide to get my boy to stop. He may scream blue murder. We may have to fight to get it off him. But you know what? That's what being a Mum is isn't it? Never quite knowing which way things are going to turn out. Did I know when I was pregnant I was going to rely on small plastic things to keep my kids happy for five years? No. But would I change my decision if I got the chance again? Probably not.

20 comments:

  1. Totally with you. The first three years with my daughter would have been a much worse hell without that dummy....

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  2. As a thumb sucker at the age of 31 *holds head in shame* I said if my son would have a dummy then I'd let him use one and he did so I do. Mainly sleeping and if he's upset (he's one) and he's very good at giving me it if I ask. They're called "soothers" for a reason. I like my son to be soothed. X

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    1. I like my kids to be soothed as well! We must be insane! ;) x

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  3. Bloody right! I am the crappest of crap parents : my kids were formula fed, my 3.5 year old still has bottles morning and night, as well as a dummy that she's not likely to get rid of soon. But guess what? I haven't killed them! They're not even hurt! In fact, they're bloody happy. Go me! And you. And the Beckhams!

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    1. WHOOP WHOOP! We are basically totes like Posh x

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  4. I've just got rid of my sons bottle.... at nearly 3. He dropped the dummy himself at 6 months and the baby won't take one (despite trying my hardest) and me? Well I had one until 5 and I'm still here to tell the tale!

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    1. Kids just do it when they feel ready don't they? x

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  5. My nine year old STILL sucks hus thumb and it's wrecked his teeth. Be glad you can throw the dummy away. He is too cute with it. Leave him be x

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  6. Hallelujah, love this post. I had a baby 7 days ago and managed to resist until day 5. She has colic and nothing would console her so we tried it... and it worked. I feel incredibly guilty for using one but I slept for 4 hours last night... I'll say no more.

    You cannot comment on someone else's parenting, you just aren't in their shoes and their choice is their choice. Good on you for speaking out. And the Beckhams as well.

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    1. Ohhhh four hours in those first few weeks is a luxury! Never feel guilty! x

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  7. Good for you! We never used them, but we all have to make the right decisions that work for our kids and for us. For us, it was the baby cups. My kids had their milk in them and the boys gave them up on their 4th birthdays without batting an eyelid. When it came to my daughter's 4th birthday, she refused to give it up. It was either use the baby cup or never drink milk. So we let her keep the cup. She was an intelligent and mature child, but she just liked to use a baby cup. It wasn't worth fighting over. Eventually at 6 she became embarrassed about it, so the cup went and she has never touched milk since!

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    1. Yeah! They just do it in their own time don't they? I think that's the best way. Unless they are 20 then I may have to step in! x

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  8. You know what, here's to whatever makes them happy, keeps them quiet, and gives us a 30 second break. End of. Whatever works. LOVE YOU , love this x

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  9. Completely agree with you and Becks. It must be so hard being in the public eye and having your parenting scrutinised by strangers. Everyone should do what is right for their children, noone has the right to judge. My little boy who is 1 has a dummy, mainly for bedtimes and naps, but I always have a dummy in the nappy bag and if a meltdown happens in Sainsburys, out it comes! Great post Xx

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    1. Oh hell yeah I always have one shoved in my bag in case of emergencies! And one in the car, and one in a drawer in the living room...xxx

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  10. Yep. I agree. Except mine were 4. They both gave them up the Summer before they went to school. My antenatal group weren't very supportive but Ha Ha they now have 14 yr olds that suck their thumbs!!! Vx

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  11. My Ethan is three and a half and still has a dummy, it soothes him when he sleeps and that's totally okay by me! xx

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