I know traditionally Valentine's is a day to show how much we truly mean to each other. Pre-children we went out for fancy meals. You've bought me a dozen red roses and I've surprised you in saucy underwear. And I want you to know that I do love you. Like REALLY love you. But? I am also knackered, REALLY knackered. My legs are hairy and to be honest saucy underwear in my current state could possible repulse you. So? I have made a list of ten things I would REALLY love for Valentines this year. They are not traditionally romantic but to me? They would mean the world:
1. A lie in till at least 7:30am. Without me shoving and whisper swearing in your ear to get you up.
2. Hot cup of tea in bed that wasn't microwaved. Accompanied by toast I don't have to share.
3. You watch the kids whilst I have a shower. And by watch I don't mean let them kill each other in front of Paw Patrol.
OK so it's not fancy but I didn't have to make it and the tea is still hot! WINNING!
4. A poo alone without an audience. And yes them banging on the door screaming "MUMMY!!!" is still an audience.
5. A meal that is cooked by you and doesn't contain any of the following: cold waffles, baked beans, half a fish finger and a soggy hula hoop that our son spat into my hand as he didn't want it any more.
6. One day where I don't have to pick up LEGO, raisins or f*cking shopkins from every crevice in our house.
7. A lovely bottle of champers (I've not given up on that tradition but would be happy with Gin, Prosecco, Vodka... or even that Baileys we have left over from Christmas).
8. To celebrate our love in pyjamas whilst you let me pick what box set to watch on Netflix.
Ideally? Just one night where this didn't happen
9. You to not judge me when I consume my body weight in chocolate wearing a dressing gown that has seen better days.
10. And finally? Absolutely, positively NO sex. If I could sleep alone, in a star position, in my comfiest Matalan pyjamas. Whilst you promise to get up with any kid that may have nightmares, needs a dream feed to just randomly screams "MUMMMMY" in the middle of the night? I know that you love for me is true.
See? It's relatively easy to keep me happy this Valentine's Day. And in return? I for one day only promise not to scream when you are back 10 minutes late from work. I won't be a total b*tch about who's turn it is to change the tumble dryer and if you're lucky? I may even give you a cheeky snog before you slope off to the spare room. Unless of course I'm already asleep.
All my love, your Valentine