Monday, 6 November 2017

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Feeling Lonely

When I had my first baby I was really lucky. I had a few close friends off at the same time. It was easy to meet up, go for walks, moan a lot about how tired we were or how much my husband was annoying me. I remember my first maternity leave with such fondness. I was exhausted but enjoyed every minute of it. So I presumed when I had my second child it would be similar. Except it wasn't. I was f*cking lonely. And those feelings of loneliness only got worse when my eldest went to pre-school and I was left with a baby. Having to stick to the confines of drop off and pick up times.

It's a bit embarrassing to admit you're lonely isn't it? As you are not actually alone. You are with a beautiful tiny person day in day out. Surely that's enough? Surely that's all the stimulation we need? I am here to say that whilst my babies were my world they also shut off my world. I adored sniffing them, cuddling them, playing with them. But I loathed Peppa on the TV and those times where I would roam the streets with a small person asleep and me looking for someone to talk to.


Having a baby is such a massive change in your life and I genuinely thought I would make life long friends in baby classes. That I would hit a playgroup and would bond with people who were just like me. Except I didn't. I found it really difficult to get any further than chatting about weaning, or if my child was sleeping through the night. My son adored singing the wheels on the bus whilst I wanted to scream "CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE KARDASHIANS?". They just weren't for me.

Instead I turned to writing. I turned to shouting into the void of the internet hoping that someone would shout back. And thankfully they did. For me social media became a way to meet other women who despite living miles away felt just like me, thought just like me. They became some of my closest friends. And still are today. We are all different and what works for you might not work for me. NCT can be a lifeline for some, whilst the internet can isolate people who feel it puts pressure on them to be perfect (I just ignore those instagram accounts).


I think as a Mum who felt lonely I now always try and reach out to my friends that have had babies. Ask how they are. If they start to tell me how their little one is doing with night feeds I try and steer the conversation to them. Research out by the Jo Cox Commission on Loneliness and Action for Children shows that 68% of of parents have felt cut off since having children. That means well over half of your NCT group, playgroup, twitter Mum friends could be feeling exactly the same way as you do. Like I did. If you're lonely reach out to your family or think of a way you feel comfortable making friends. It doesn't have to be the traditional way. And NEVER feel embarrassed. I was just like you and so are many, many other Mums and Dads.
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7 comments

  1. This was such a good to read. I'm a stay at home mum of a 16 month old and I know no one else with children. My friends haven't had children and all work full time so I barely see them. I've been trying so hard to go to mum groups but it's so hard to walk into a room full of people and babies and try to make friends. Hopefully I'll get somewhere one day! :')

    Sarah | www.justbuttonsblog.co.uk

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  2. It's tricky. My three year old starts nursery so can have time with (What will be 3 month old) son. Luckily I make myself go out shopping and visit family to hand him over and catch up on social media or simply watch junk.

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  3. Good wee read ... your not the only one playgroups used to give me small inner panic attacks it wasn’t good for the soul ... and the lonely thing is a killer social media is sadly my social life at the moment too but you make me laugh and remind me that there is other funny ass mums like me hahahaaaaaaa xx

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  4. I love this thank you! Had our first born in England (where I'm from) and met 2 amazing girls who had boys at the same time. We had so much fun and so many lunch and coffee dates where we talked forever!! Have since moved to Canada (husband is Canadian) and baby no.2 is due at Christmas. No family in the city we are in, but made some lovely friends. It will be very different this time around and as you say playgroups can be daunting. I've found one my son and I enjoy but not made any friends as such....just people to chat to when we meet up there or the park! Social media (mum groups allowed me to meet some good friends and church).I love your blog and makes me feel at home when I miss a good Brit/brummy saying or lingo!!! Keep up the good work and thank you. Caroline.

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  5. Thanks for sharing this post Emma xx I haven't been to any classes for new moms. Don't know if I should have joined! Anyway I get to meet my little person tomorrow finally after 9 months! (EL CS) I guess I will learn as I go along and see what happens! X

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  6. I am at the other end of the scale I have twin girls who are 16 so don't need me so much, and a boy who is 11 so still needs me but while everyone out at work and school I just sit at home! I have been looking for work but my confidence is low! hoping things will get better soon!

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  7. I am so pleased people like you speak out, thank you.

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