A Poem for A New Mum

New Mums don't do heels

They only drink cold tea

Sick and baby crap all down their tops 

Tiny, grubby hand prints on their knee

Their hair is often unwashed

And usually looks a mess

If they are feeling 'fancy'

They will don clean leggings and a flowery dress

They stroll around in Mum coats

With a huge ginormous bag

Their tired, greasy, unmade face

Resembles that of an elderly hag

Underwear is baggy

Pants are definitely grey and big

You will often find them standing in the mirror

Saying "Oh god, I'm such a fat pig!"

They only sleep for two hours

And that is with one eye shut

They juggle making bottles

Whilst rocking the baby to sleep with their left foot

But yet they are New Mums

And you must remember that

Think back to how f*cking hard it is

And when you looked like crap

So if you see a New Mum

Tiredly walking by

Give a smile, a knowing wink

And go over and say "Hi!"

Tell her it will get better

One day she will eventually sleep

It may not be tomorrow

But it could be in the next few weeks.

And just before you leave

Say you think that she looks nice

Although you're probably lying

What you've said?..... Is just right.