New Mums don't do heels
They only drink cold tea
Sick and baby crap all down their tops
Tiny, grubby hand prints on their knee
Their hair is often unwashed
And usually looks a mess
If they are feeling 'fancy'
They will don clean leggings and a flowery dress
They stroll around in Mum coats
With a huge ginormous bag
Their tired, greasy, unmade face
Resembles that of an elderly hag
Underwear is baggy
Pants are definitely grey and big
You will often find them standing in the mirror
Saying "Oh god, I'm such a fat pig!"
They only sleep for two hours
And that is with one eye shut
They juggle making bottles
Whilst rocking the baby to sleep with their left foot
But yet they are New Mums
And you must remember that
Think back to how f*cking hard it is
And when you looked like crap
So if you see a New Mum
Tiredly walking by
Give a smile, a knowing wink
And go over and say "Hi!"
Tell her it will get better
One day she will eventually sleep
It may not be tomorrow
But it could be in the next few weeks.
And just before you leave
Say you think that she looks nice
Although you're probably lying
What you've said?..... Is just right.
