Mummy... By the girl aged 3 1/2

Note to reader: 
1) this one way conversation would take place in the three minutes it takes to walk to the local shop.
2) when reading the world 'Mummy' please replace with 'MUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMYYYY' in a broad, brummy accent. This will aid your enjoyment, and help you feel my utter pain. Thank you kindly.

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Why don't monkeys wear shoes?

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Last week Daddy gave me a piece of kitchen roll

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Maisey once spilled her juice in McDonald's

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

(fake) cough, cough, cough. 

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

I just put my finger up my bum. It smelt of poo. 

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Why are your boobies all hanging out?

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

What's wrong with that ladies hair?

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Why has that man got a brown face?

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Mummy, Mummy, Mummy

Mummy, Mummy, MUMMY!!!!!

Why do you look cross?