10 Stages Of Going On A Date. Parent Style

1) Decide to go on a date!
You've not spoken to each other properly in about three months. Well you have had two in depth discussions. One was about nits, the other "should be get a new shed?" oh and there was a small one sided rant about putting the washing away. A date is in order. Or a divorce.

2) Sort a baby sitter
You end up conning your parents into having them for the evening. You claim they are FAR easier to put to bed than the last time they were there (they aren't) and promise that everyone will have a good nights sleep (they won't). You screech away high fiving and hysterical at what is to come.

3) Get excited!
The excitement! 26 free hours to do what you want is immense!!! TWENTY SIX WHOLE HOURS! You could fly to Las Vegas and back (OK literally that would be it) but still TWENTY SIX WHOLE HOURS!

4) Make overambitious plans
"We shall be youth and go 'up town'. We will relive all the things we did before we had kids. But better! We will eat in a top notch place, have cocktails and dance the evening away! IT WILL BE IMMENSE!".


5) But first?
You do ALL the exciting things that you can do when there are no kids are around. Like pooing with no-one watching, lighting Yankee Candles at the eye level of small humans and napping. NAPPING SO HARD YOU WAKE UP AND FEEL SICK. God but it was worth it. Someone mentions sex? And then you both laugh and gorge on chocolate biscuits instead. Out in the open. Not sharing with any f*cker. Ruddy amazing.

6) OOTD (Outfit of the Day)
You are disappointed to find your wardrobe doesn't quite fit in with a 'big night up town' so your throw on some vintage (i.e old) Next and hope that your Matalan statement necklace does the trick. You jump on the bus and hit the streets of the big city! Full of love. You hold hands. You take a selfie on the bus. PEOPLE THIS IS REALLY LIVING.

7) Location, Location, Location
Hang on. It dawns on you that you don't actually know anywhere up town. It looks different to when you went there in your 20's. Why is it full of hen dos? Where do the hip and happening youth of today go these days? All Bar One! Of course! You check in on Facebook and take another selfie for Instagram. Ignoring that everyone around also looks mid 30s and a bit out of place.

8) Time is Running Out
Right. You are out. You have ordered over priced cocktails. Your other half has complimented you on your statement necklace. Now what? Mmmmmmmmm "Do you think that we should just check in on the kids?" someone says. And you spend the next hour chatting about nits and sheds.

Mmmm sticking your tongue out in photos is youth right? RIGHT?

9) Final Destination
After quickly grabbing a burger at All Bar One (realising that you don't actually know of any fancy places to eat) you both decide that you are a bit tired. Surely it is close to midnight such is your crazy and wild ways? You look at your watch. Realise that it is not even 10pm. You have two choices. Ending up dancing the night away with all the hen dos. Or head back home for more sleep. Sleep it is!

10) The End
26 hours went in the blink of an eye. That may have been due to the fact that you slept quite a lot of it. Another lot of it was gorging on TV whilst eating crisps in bed. And your other half did a very long peaceful poo. But you went out. Took some cracking comedy cocktails selfies and enjoyed each others company. For once. Amazing.
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