Tuesday, 17 March 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Feeling a Failure

I will be honest? Today has been one of those days. After not much sleep due to a boy with a cold, it dawned on me the dog had weed on the bed. My poorly son then acted quite insane before the school run. Smashing the soap holder in the bathroom and of course finding the 'Special Mum' box my husband brought me and ripping that apart. I struggled to get dressed and became the Mum I hate aka 'teacher shouty voice Mum'. One that comes out more than I would like and one that makes me feel ashamed.

We ran all the way to pre-school and it became clear that St Patricks Day fancy dress meant the majority of the girls were dressed as Anna from Frozen. My beautiful Frozen obsessed daughter was in green leggings and a green top. Her little lip dropped and then I remembered I forgot the pound for the charity box. I made it home, carrying a very heavy cray cray toddler all the way, to find the dog had now weed in one of the bedrooms.


This morning? Within the space of two hours I had pretty much, hands down, lost at being a Mum. I smelt of wee. I was half dressed. I had shouted. Really, really loudly. And I did what every self respecting woman does in such a situation. Phoned up my husband and wept. Sometimes I worry that I am not meant to be a Mother. That I can't do the crafts, that I always forget the charity money and I secretly chuck away all the many pictures my girl draws me as I can't stand my house being a mess.

The reason I started writing this blog was to show other woman in my situation that we aren't all perfect and sometimes we fail big style on this journey of motherhood. Don't get me wrong I have some of the most perfect moments ever with my little ones. Where the stars align, no-one is tired, I've remembered the snacks and we laugh till we can't breathe. There are cuddles, there are tickles and there is pure, pure love. But it's really hard to remember those times when you can't put your bra on properly as someone is screaming about not wanting their socks on. Really loudly. One inch from your face.

So this The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Feeling a Failure is aimed at myself. To remind me that nothing is perfect. No-one is ideal. Despite what you might see. There has to be chinks in people's armour. Because if there aren't and I truly am just terribly sh*t? I don't really want to know.

BritMums

31 comments:

  1. Thank you so much! I have had one of 'those days' for the last week and have definitely been feeling a failure and wondering why other mums I know seem to be on top of everything and still look good on the school run. So thank you thank you thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. I hate the shouty me too! Off to inhale chocolate... x

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    1. Yay! Glad you enjoyed the post lovely x

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  2. Every other day is like this for me. Recently I forgot the money for the autism charity-! Every mother got a rose from school on mothers day except me...It was only those who donated who got one. Cringe!.
    But today my kid just hugged his brother and helped to feed him. My husband put his pants in the laundry basket...Serious.
    And everyone slept through the night and no one dumped on the living room rug. Today is a good day!!
    Who knows what tomorrow will bring!.But we're all in it together . And thank God for bad days. Cadburys and Gordons would have gone bankrupt by now for sure. We keep millions in their jobs!
    X

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    1. Today for me is a good day. I am ill. But my Mum is here and I get to lie in bed and watch TV all day safe in the knowledge that my little ones are happy and loved. Little things eh? x

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  3. Oh lovely. The shouty days. I honestly feel wretched and the worst mother ever when I shout so much on the bad days. But you're lovely and your littles adore you. Xxx

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  4. I shout far too much at my two (the same ages as yours) & i hate myself for it. Sleep makes everything better. It is hard work being a grown up which is why there is a wine box in the fridge!

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! Sleep always makes EVERYTHING better. Fact x

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  5. Oh we all have those days and they are shit. This is God invented cheese cake. I insist you eat one with a gin on the side. Tomorrow will be better. Big hugs x

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    1. Defo. I need that Sarah to make me a Creme Egg one x

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  6. Oh yes, my week's been looking a bit like this! And I throw a ridiculous amount of 'art' away here, too, if that makes you feel better. From one shouty mum to another, here's hoping tomorrow is a cuddly, smiley day xx

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    1. The rest of the week hasn't been so bad. I am putting it down to being full of cold x

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  7. So much of what you mentioned reminds me of my life sometimes apart from I don't have a dog but a child that wees on the floor!

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  8. Yes to all of this. I sick of hearing myself shout. I hate having to try and remember stuff to take to preschool. I get to the end of the week having actually forgotten to wash any of my clothes, so it's pyjama bottoms on the preschool run. I am totally rubbish at this being a mum lark. There are wonderful days, happy smiley non-shouty days but they're few and far between. I class it as a good day if I haven't been bitten by a rabid toddler and I got to eat my dinner while it was still warm.

    Anyway I just wanted to say that I love reading your "don't beat yourself up" posts. They should be printed out and handed to new mums on the postnatal ward!

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    1. Ah thanks so much and what a lovely thing to say. As long as we all embrace we are all fairly crap I think we would all feel a lot better x

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  9. Nope, you're not sh*t! I actually don't believe the perfect mum exists - because if her kids are perfectly behaved and the house is immaculate, she must be really struggling in some other aspect. It's just physically not possible to keep all the balls in the air at once all the time.
    Word of advice - right up to year 3 whether it's Victorian day, Great Fire of London day or any other day, girls ALWAYS dress as Disney princesses.

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    1. Ha ha ha ha! That has really made me laugh. From now on my girl will ALWAYS be a Disney Princess! x

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  10. I feel like every mum (and dad) needs to read this!!!!! I know I certainly relate to this and have days too where I wonder if I was really cut out for being a mum! Lovely to read that we all have them, although I'm sorry you had such a crappy day!! Xx

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    1. Thanks beaut. Hope you and the bump are doing well xxx

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  11. You are most definintely not sh*t! We ALL go through times like this. Infact I have been very shouty with my two over the last few weeks. Combination of not enough sleep, too much work and not spending enough quality time with them!

    Mother's Day was spent with an anrgy toddler who wouldn't let me eat my lunch and had a huge todder tantrum!!

    I just keep reminding myself that you have to have days like this to make the good days absolutely amazing!!

    xx

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    1. Good call! We need to crappy days to make the not so crappy ones shine! x

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  12. I do shouty teacher voice constantly Em - it's not just you! I hope today has been a better day luvvie. For what it's worth, you sound like an ace mum! Xx

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    1. Curse us and our teacher voices. I can't imagine you shouting at all Em! x

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  13. There must have been something in the air yesterday - I was questioning my suitability as a mum by 5pm too. Tantrums over a shoe and slipper combo (apparently that's what you wear to ASDA), tantrums over dinner (I had to make two dishes in the end), and hand-on-hand combat over getting into the car seat left me a little on edge. Luckily Mr TB stepped in when he got home and I was able to calm down. This morning the terror was a little angel - bless her cottons! x

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    1. My boy is STILL being a loon but my girl has been extra specially lovely this week to make up for it. I will be buying her a big old present to say thanks x

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  14. I think I go to bed most nights feeling guilty for being too shouty or not being the mother I should be. My girls have been little demons at the last week too, mainly due to tiredness and illness. It's good to know we aren't alone sometimes!

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    1. It is defo tiredness and illness here that has caused everyone to kick off fo sure. It's been a nightmare x

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  15. OMG what a traumatic day. I think I would have laid in the wee soaked bed and wept!!! I think you handled it brilliantly....and am I missing something that St Patrick's day = Frozen?!?!
    x

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    1. I KNOW! It's as you can get a green Anna dress. Sigh x

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  16. Perfection is what we strive for but can never attain because there is no definition and we keep moving the goal post anyway! Doing our best and being happy about it is everything even when it is a far less than perfect day. Popping by from Suburban Mum's Monthly Read

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