17.3.15

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Feeling a Failure

I will be honest? Today has been one of those days. After not much sleep due to a boy with a cold, it dawned on me the dog had weed on the bed. My poorly son then acted quite insane before the school run. Smashing the soap holder in the bathroom and of course finding the 'Special Mum' box my husband brought me and ripping that apart. I struggled to get dressed and became the Mum I hate aka 'teacher shouty voice Mum'. One that comes out more than I would like and one that makes me feel ashamed.

We ran all the way to pre-school and it became clear that St Patricks Day fancy dress meant the majority of the girls were dressed as Anna from Frozen. My beautiful Frozen obsessed daughter was in green leggings and a green top. Her little lip dropped and then I remembered I forgot the pound for the charity box. I made it home, carrying a very heavy cray cray toddler all the way, to find the dog had now weed in one of the bedrooms.


This morning? Within the space of two hours I had pretty much, hands down, lost at being a Mum. I smelt of wee. I was half dressed. I had shouted. Really, really loudly. And I did what every self respecting woman does in such a situation. Phoned up my husband and wept. Sometimes I worry that I am not meant to be a Mother. That I can't do the crafts, that I always forget the charity money and I secretly chuck away all the many pictures my girl draws me as I can't stand my house being a mess.

The reason I started writing this blog was to show other woman in my situation that we aren't all perfect and sometimes we fail big style on this journey of motherhood. Don't get me wrong I have some of the most perfect moments ever with my little ones. Where the stars align, no-one is tired, I've remembered the snacks and we laugh till we can't breathe. There are cuddles, there are tickles and there is pure, pure love. But it's really hard to remember those times when you can't put your bra on properly as someone is screaming about not wanting their socks on. Really loudly. One inch from your face.

So this The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Feeling a Failure is aimed at myself. To remind me that nothing is perfect. No-one is ideal. Despite what you might see. There has to be chinks in people's armour. Because if there aren't and I truly am just terribly sh*t? I don't really want to know.

BritMums
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