Sunday, 28 May 2017

My Dirty Mummy Secrets

Since I've become a parent there are a host of things that I have done that I am super proud of. I love my children and I take care of them quite well I think. 95% of the time I am in charge of them we have a grand old time. But? There is that 5% that I have not been proud off. In fact? I'm downright embarrassed with myself. So I thought I would come clean. Offer other mothers in similar shameful circumstances someone they can relate to. Reveal all my dirty 'Mummy' secrets...

...there is however, a disclaimer to this list. We need to agree on something. A few of the things I do genuinely only do 'sometimes'. But some of the things (more than is reasonable) I have written 'sometimes' when I mean 'most of the time'. Such is my shame. I can't admit which ones. Thought you could just try and figure it our for yourselves. So, gulp, here goes...Sometimes I clean the bathroom sink. With a baby wipe.
  • Sometimes I clean the kitchen table. With a baby wipe
  • Sometimes I clean my privates. With a baby wipe. (This is a sometimes one - promise! It is! IT IS!)

parenting blogger
Be quiet! Deep clean in process!

  • Sometimes I hide in the kitchen and eat all the treats from the special children treat box. 
  • Sometimes I lie on the couch and watch an episode of Homes Under The Hammer whilst my children happily and quietly pull out every DVD I own. 
  • Sometimes I pretend I can't hear the children wake up in the night so my husband has to get up. 
  • Sometimes I say I need to go to the toilet just to get some peace and quiet for two minutes. 
  • Sometimes I just "yes" when my son talks and I didn't quite hear what he was saying about Thor/Spiderman/Kinder Eggs (aka wasn't listening). Or "that's nice". 
  • Sometimes I pretend that Peppa has 'ran away' as I can't face watching her again on television #peppaisaknob.
  • Sometimes I put my pyjamas on at 3pm. OK, OK. 1pm. OK, OK I don't get dressed.

mommy blogger
Yeah. Legs totally not shaved. Which is why I look smug

  • Sometimes I wear extra long leggings so I don't have to shave my legs.
  • Sometimes if I wear shorter leggings. I just shave my ankles.
  • Sometimes I put on extra dry shampoo so the white covers my roots.
  • Sometimes I pretend the kids were begging for a Happy Meal. When in reality? I desperately wanted one. With a full fat coke. And a McFlurry. Obvs.
  • Sometimes I have Calpol rather than painkillers as it tastes dead nice.
  • Sometimes I pop the iPad in my children hands so I can get 10 more minutes in bed.

mummy blogger
Just 10 more minutes bab...

  • Sometimes I eat the cold remains of waffles that 'may' have dropped on the floor.
  • Sometimes I hide my head in the fridge and eat cake whilst my children eat fruit in the living room.
  • Sometimes, when discovered, I pretend this cake is 'Mummy's medicine'.
  • Sometimes I pretend that me sitting on Twitter/Facebook/ASOS is 'Mummy's work'.
I'm stopping there. This list could go on and on and on. So now you know the odd time I clean my bits with a baby wipe and that I generally can be found in my pyjamas or super long leggings. But in the grand scheme of things? It's not that bad. Is it? (shoves head in fridge and consumes pack of 'treat' Smarties in one gulp).

4 comments:

  1. hahaha! Yep! I think I have done all of these too...
    I tell the kids that fizzu pop is wine so they won't drink it. There will come a time when they think I'm an alcoholic. Oops.

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  2. Baby Wipes are awesome! So many uses for them. I get panicky if we run out. There's always a pack I my handbag, at the house and sometimes I have them in the car as well :)

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  3. You are not alone with this list! My youngest is 12 and I'm sure people wonder why I still buy baby wipes but they are just so useful!

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  4. Haha! Love this list. The whole pyjama thing, I am with you on that one. And maybe I sometimes pretend I can't hear the kids playing in the morning (on a weekend) so I can get an extra 10/20 mins! Wish the same could be said for during the week, but somehow they are up at the crack of dawn.. x

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