To my beautiful boy
My youngest. My gorgeous baby. The one who I shall refer to as my baby until you are in your 40's and towering above me. Hell I shall call you my baby even after then. You are five. I refuse to believe you are anything other than two. Max. I'm not going to lie but four. Four has been tough. I love the idea of you phoning me up when you are tearing your hair out with your own four year old and I can point you in the direction of this letter and say "I've been there my darling".
Four has involved a lot of love and patience on my side. A lot of anger and tantrums on yours. There have been a few weeks where I have wondered what on earth I have done wrong to make you behave the way you have. I have gone to bed crying. Wondering why you get so very cross. Only to wake up the next day to carry on and hope for the best. You're stubborn. So very, very stubborn. We've missed the odd family event here and there when you have been going through these phases. I've stayed in bed and held you whilst we watched TV and protected the world from your anger.
But along with your anger is your love. You love hard. You adore your Mummy and Daddy so much so that it dawned on me. That we co sleep with you. For ages I just thought "Oh he gets up in the night. It's fine!". But when that happens every night it means we are co sleeping. Me! The Mummy with all the rules and regulations breaking the one cardinal rule of sleep 'thou shall not let them in your bed'. But there you are each morning. I get to sniff you hair and look at your rose bud lips. Don't tell anyone but I kinda love it. On some days it's the only time you are still, calm and peaceful.
Four meant school starting. Which was something I found hard going. You wouldn't have known as I was hiding my tears and saying things like "so proud" and "well done". But when your final baby goes to school it breaks you a little bit. You love school. You have your little friends. Take in love letters to the teacher and she is amazed when I mention how cross you get sometimes at home. She says you are kind, well behaved and willing to try anything she throws at you. I count my blessings that you save your tantrums for home and act so well in class.
So I am happy to see the back of four and excited to see how five will turn out. You are starting to read and often bring me little love notes or make me treasure maps to find a pile of Shopkins. Your iPad is full of videos you make and you still love to jump on my lap for a cuddle. If four taught me anything it's that sometimes being a parent isn't quite what you think it's going to be like. That sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love most in the world. And whilst I've moaned when you've gone to bed I wouldn't have you any other way.
All my love
PS If you are reading this when you are older? Pick up the phone, give your old Mum a ring and tell her you love her. She'd like that.