Sunday, 7 January 2018

To My Beautiful Boy. Thank God You Are 5...

To my beautiful boy

My youngest. My gorgeous baby. The one who I shall refer to as my baby until you are in your 40's and towering above me. Hell I shall call you my baby even after then. You are five. I refuse to believe you are anything other than two. Max. I'm not going to lie but four. Four has been tough. I love the idea of you phoning me up when you are tearing your hair out with your own four year old and I can point you in the direction of this letter and say "I've been there my darling".

Four has involved a lot of love and patience on my side. A lot of anger and tantrums on yours. There have been a few weeks where I have wondered what on earth I have done wrong to make you behave the way you have. I have gone to bed crying. Wondering why you get so very cross. Only to wake up the next day to carry on and hope for the best. You're stubborn. So very, very stubborn. We've missed the odd family event here and there when you have been going through these phases. I've stayed in bed and held you whilst we watched TV and protected the world from your anger.

But along with your anger is your love. You love hard. You adore your Mummy and Daddy so much so that it dawned on me. That we co sleep with you. For ages I just thought "Oh he gets up in the night. It's fine!". But when that happens every night it means we are co sleeping. Me! The Mummy with all the rules and regulations breaking the one cardinal rule of sleep 'thou shall not let them in your bed'. But there you are each morning. I get to sniff you hair and look at your rose bud lips. Don't tell anyone but I kinda love it. On some days it's the only time you are still, calm and peaceful.

Four meant school starting. Which was something I found hard going. You wouldn't have known as I was hiding my tears and saying things like "so proud" and "well done". But when your final baby goes to school it breaks you a little bit. You love school. You have your little friends. Take in love letters to the teacher and she is amazed when I mention how cross you get sometimes at home. She says you are kind, well behaved and willing to try anything she throws at you. I count my blessings that you save your tantrums for home and act so well in class.

So I am happy to see the back of four and excited to see how five will turn out. You are starting to read and often bring me little love notes or make me treasure maps to find a pile of Shopkins. Your iPad is full of videos you make and you still love to jump on my lap for a cuddle. If four taught me anything it's that sometimes being a parent isn't quite what you think it's going to be like. That sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love most in the world. And whilst I've moaned when you've gone to bed I wouldn't have you any other way.

All my love

Mummy xxx

PS If you are reading this when you are older? Pick up the phone, give your old Mum a ring and tell her you love her. She'd like that.



  1. With a 4 year old who has almighty meltdowns, I can definitely relate to this. We are a way off 5 (August) but 5 is definitely a turning point for children's behaviour. I'm (65% of the time) loving age 7 (my eldest) but also have a "spirited" 3 year old girl in tow .... wish me luck ��
    It's so reassuring to hear there is chaos going on behind the doors of the smiley, picture perfect instagram windows! A lovely read which helps reflect and focus.

  2. This is just so lovely, my youngest son turned 5 on Friday and I am sad. He is probably my last. He is also stubborn and strong willed but also is the most affectionate boy ever. I love our cuddles in the morning when he always hops in beside me and tells me I smell nice. Thank you for helping me remember. X

  3. I’m crying. So very relatable. For me it’s my oldest, my daughter, who just turned 6. It’s been a wild ride since she was barely 3 and so far nothing has changed. Except that now that she is older she thinks and acts like she has the power and knowledge of that of an adult. I go to bed most nights feeling like the most rotten parent for constantly yelling and telling her off for simply being herself. It’s a struggle to accept that she is strong willed and wants to be in charge at all times JUST like me. I think that’s the worst part, to acknowledge that she is indeed a mini me. It’s a learning process and I vouch to give my very best every day until the day we can live happily alongside each other accepting all of our flaws without it causing anymore friction between us. Thank God we love them so very much, which makes it all worth it

    1. Carolin Clarke (carolinsworld)7 January 2018 at 14:56

      Didn’t mean for this to be marked from “unknown”.

  4. Aww! Happy birthday Ethan! I hope he has had a fab day! x

  5. I really enjoyed reading this. Hope your little man had a very happy birthday. I have a 4 almost 5 year old boy who also co-sleeps, is affectionate and generally well behaved but also a child with quirky ways and differences in abilities and skills that make me wonder and to be honest worry if there is something going on (i have raised concerns with relevant people). I have to silence the anxieties about this as he is just him - he is unique - as we all should be, so I need not compare him to other children and just be grateful that he is healthy and happy. Raising littles is far from easy is it! Keep writing and posting as you are hilarious, honest and a delight to follow x

  6. I'm 17, and i don't have children yet. But, oh my gosh when I do I hope i can give them as much support and guidance as you do! This really touched me the minute i read the first line. How much love you have for your children is beautiful. Especially with all of those horrible stories you hear about other parents. Well done you.. honestly, well done! xx

  7. We are four months into age four. Pass me the gin ������������

  8. We are going through exactly this with our Ethan. Apparently he’s an angel at school but when he gets home he can be particularly rude, grumpy and over tired. I know it’s a phase, but it’s hard isn’t it?! Especially when you know that they are actually such lovely little people. Xx


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