Thursday, 5 February 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide To Being a Crap Other Half

Urgh. Hormones? They make us poor women be cray cray. And there is nothing to send us more insane than getting pregnant or having a baby. All the changes to our body, the sleepless nights, the constant worry. Well? It is enough to tip anyone over the edge. And the one thing I have really found hard since becoming Mother? Is well now I am just crap. Proper crap at being a wife.

I have got better as now I work two days a week so I have to get dressed and look relatively clean but whilst I was on maternity leave with my second I rarely got dressed. I found having a shower so hard my hair was permanently in a top bun (thank god for that little fashion) and covered in tropical dry shampoo. I felt SUCH pressure to be the perfect wife. I was off all the time. So really I should have hot cooked meals every day. I should be on top of the never ending washing and at the very least? I should look vaguely attractive when the other half got in from work (HA!).

Make up? Curled hair? Holding hands? Well slept? Pre-kids natch.

I was non of those. Dinners were often waffle based. And instead of looking vaguely attractive? I looked like a screaming banshee, frazzled to the point of no return and woe betide the husband who came home more than 7 minutes late. ALL HELL WOULD BREAK LOOSE! And you know what? I have to give him his dues. My husband was pretty ruddy fantastic. There was the odd moment when he 'accidentally' wouldn't hear the baby get up in the night. Again. But generally he just rolled with it.

I on the other hand felt awful. That I was meant to be like Topsy and Tim's (slightly psychotic?) Mum but in reality resembled a very bad Eastenders character. Think Heather Trott. But with messier hair. A year or so on? And I'm not so bad. Sometimes I straighten my hair (granted after I caved in and got a lot of it chopped off). Sometimes I manage to cook. But that's because something clicked. The reason why I was such a hot mess was because all my time an energy went into keeping two human beings alive!

That was me! That was what I did! Human. Beings. Alive. Cactus's may die in my mere presence but my two children were thriving! I taught them to walk. And talk. And how to work the iPad. They could eat like proper food and run and skip and laugh and basically? SCREW YOU WASHING MY HAIR. I ROCK! If you look around at your messy living room and you feel a little bit crap. Think about what you are doing. You are helping little people become big people. And I'm not one for sentimentality's. But that is f*cking amazing!

When two become four. My ruddy lovely little crew. In our natural habitat. Soft play.

I could now go into the ins and outs of keeping the romance alive. But I won't as my Mum reads my blog (Hello Mum!) and that would be gross. But what I will say is. On the whole from my experience men get quite the raw deal when it comes to us being a bit cray cray at times. What I will advise in all the mania and exhaustion that you are at times (when you remember) nice to your other half. I dunno take them to the cinema. Or just say "sorry I'm a loon but I do love you". In between all the ranting about whose turn it is to sterilise the bottles or take the washing out the dryer. Remember you loved this person SO MUCH you wanted them to be half of your little person.

There is no point beating yourself up about being a bit crap when you have had a child. In fact? Embrace it! You are crap for a reason. As you are 99.9% NOT crap when raising your little one. Somethings got to give eh? And there will be a day when you are old and grey (and actual grey not dry shampoo grey) and sat on an amazing cruise with your other half. Reminiscing about the time you screamed in the street because no-one brought loo roll one weekend. And you will proper belly laugh.

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

48 comments:

  1. Once again another fab post! I have separated from my husband since having the boy but this makes me feel better about it! The boy is still alive and kicking, yay! Lol x

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    1. Yay! You have clearly done a fantastic job! x

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  2. Love this - babies are hard work but something (most of the time) pulls us back from the brink and we are always there for them. Marriage is TOUGH. When there's a long to-do list it seems to fall at the bottom, which makes everyone miserable. It takes se serious work, and understanding that some of the things you say and do when the babies are small are a result of exhaustion and hormones, and not because you hate each other. This is the toughest bit and if you can survive it, I reckon we can survive anything. Good work Bab - if people talked about it more it might make it all a bit easier. Xxx

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    1. You are so right bab - if we all kinda admitted sometimes it is a bit rubbish then it would be easier to talk about it x

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  3. Ha ha - this is all so true. In fact I am sitting here now contemplating whether we can get away with fish and chips for tea again, and if I really need to wash my hair! Love it - you never fail to raise a smile! x

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    1. Ah thanks! And no-one ever died from too many fish and chips did they? x

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  4. This made me a little teary - pregnancy hormones ;) I do feel crap about my wifeliness a lot of the time, but you are right! The Tot is still breathing. She's a very happy, loony little lady. And sometimes I do wash my hair! Rocking it mummy style!! x

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    1. Hooray! If your child is happy and sometimes you wash your hair? You my friend are WINNING! x

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  5. Love this, sometimes it feels like the couple we were pre-kids were totally different people to who we both are now. And that's weird, but it is what it is and we learn to grow together (put up with each other). x

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    1. Ha ha ha. We do have to kinda put up with each other don't we? x

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  6. Such a beautifully written post. You made me laugh and cry. I too have felt like I'm a bit rubbish in the "housewife" role but your bit about you are helping little people become big people brought a tear to my eye. I may look a state half the time and rustle a pathetic tea together sometimes but Grace is thriving. She's so happy and content, always laughing, so I am doing a fantastic job x x

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    1. Ah thanks lovely. I am really rubbish. I am trying to get better though. We can only try our best eh? x

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  7. Yep, another crap wife here - and proud of it because my little ones are way more important than the fact I need to hoover, my legs need shaving, we have a mountain of ironing.... the list goes on. One day my little ones won't be at home and then I can have the cleanest show house on the street and gourmet food every night, but right now I am busy being a mum to my three kids. #brilliantblogposts

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    1. Hell yeah! When I'm in my 50s my house will be amazing! x

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  8. Fab post! Completely utterly properly fab. I might look like I've been dragged through a hedge most days but I'm keeping another human being alive and she's bl**dy marvellous.

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    1. Exactly so you my friend are winning at being a Mum x

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  9. I always read your blog posts & think sometimes how you must have tapped into my brain! Another brilliant & so relatable blog post! x

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    1. Ah thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it x

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  10. Wonderfully written and so true. Sounds like you're doing a great job xx

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  11. Your wedding dress is AMAZING! x

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  12. So true! I turned into a right nagging, argumentative witch after the first two. Just before I had my daughter I said, 'we know this is going to happen, so we might as well be prepared and accept it'. So we did. I was still an emotional wreck, but we all survived it! (I still don't make any effort with my appearance and I'm still a crap cook and housewife, but I like to think he's not too disappointed with his choice!)

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    1. Same here. I think bar the cracking and me being a bit of a mess? He could have done worse eh? x

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  13. I love this, thanks Em'. It's only lately, for the first time in years, I feel a teeny bit less crap. (Thanks to nursery and lack of work obvs.) Still that is short lived until 5.07 when he's been stuck in bastard traffic obviously. I'm off to plan that cruise...

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  14. Absolutely love this blog post, Thank you brummymummyof2 for making me feel human and less crap :)
    I can see light at the end of the tunnel xx

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    1. YAY! The light is there...somewhere xxx

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  15. Lovely and honest post. We all feel like this I'm sure. xx

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  16. Haha, brilliant post. :)

    I am always beating myself up for being the 'perfect housewife' but then I remember that, right now, I am busy being somebody's perfect mummy. :)

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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    1. Yeah perfect Mummy totes trumps perfect wife x

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  17. Agh fab post and all so so true!!! I really went a bit crazy in the first year after having z. I'd just repeat conversations and bag so much. I'm pretty sure my neighbours think I'm totally bonkers. My hubby has been lovely through pott though and I then I felt guilty :) but you are so right. We are bringing up humans!!

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    1. Oh God I ALWAYS think about what my neighbours would think. That is so funny! x

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  18. Gorgeous words hun you are so right, we are all a little bit awesome aren't we! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts

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  19. Ginger hair and dry shampoo is the worst combination EVER!!

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    1. You need to get on dragons den and create some for your hair bab! x

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  20. Babies are tough!! I can't use dry shampoo my hair is too dark and it looks horrendous!!
    I love my dressing gown and pj's, aren't they some kinda of maternity leave uniform?

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  21. Great Post, as usual! The Topsy and Tim v Heather Trott bit made me roar with laughter! And all very true and empowering too! I'm just about to post about housework etc. Bleurgh.
    Have you read 'What Mothers Do', I have a copy of it, and have read two or three pages, which is basically half way there, right??

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  22. You mean you don't re-apply your lippie as you hear his key in the lock? Shame on you! Ha ha, brilliant post. I often do the "sorry, I'm a loon but I love you" line. It's worked so far...Love this series. Will still be reading it when I'm old and grey - not just dry shampoo grey (love that!). xx

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  23. I am sure my husband wanted to leave me on several occasions. Cray cray isn't even enough to describe my horribleness. Poor man. I must be doing something right, though. Your wedding photo is gorge. Ps. Heaver Trott with messier hair? Baaahaaaahaaa x

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  24. Have you been lurking in my house?! It's like you're wrote about mine and my hubby's arguments over the last few weeks!

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  25. I love this! Men do get a bit of a raw deal and seem to be quite confused about why their partners are now a total mess half the time! But we're all the same and anyone who isn't is an alien! Our little people are awesome too!!

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  26. Loving this & just read through your don't
    Beat yourself up blogs & they are all fab. When my second was 2 weeks old I cried when my husband came home as dinner was going to be 10 minutes!! He is rather awesome & wouldn't even care if there wasn't any dinner but I felt awful. Probably didn't stop me from yelling at him at 3am though ��. I honestly think all mums are a little bat s**t! Thanks for helping me feel better.

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  27. This is so true, we are terrible for beating ourselves up but who's looking and who really cares?! If your children are happy and enjoy the life and home you create for them everyday then that's all that matters. I loved the fact that you said to remember you loved your other half enough to make little people. I have to laugh sometimes because I can so see traits in my son that have undoubtedly come from my partner, some good and some bad! But I wouldn't have it any other way, he truly is the best Daddy for my son even though he has the ability to send me cray, cray at times!!!

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  28. This is brilliant and so apt right now as I've been giving my OH hell at 6m pregnant with no.2. Thank you!

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