Sunday, 19 April 2015

The Don't Beat Yourself Up Guide to Tantrums

Tantrums are like arseholes. All toddlers have both of them and more often than not? The former also results in them turning into a total an utter arsehole as well. Tantrums are one of the most frustrating and horrible parts of being a parent. Your little beauty goes to bed all lovely, smiley and smelling of baby powder on the eve of their second birthday. Then they wake up the next day as a psychotic, unreasonable monster. Or if you're super lucky? It may even start as early as 18 months. Wahoo!

As far as I can see the 'terrible twos' seem to last well over one year. My girl is four and sometimes she still just drops to the floor in a fit of madness over me making her wear a coat in the pouring rain (how dare I?). I understand the logic behind tantrums. That it's partly to do with the lack of being able to communicate with us what they want properly. Combined with them discovering their own way in life, their own opinions and ideas (curse them not obeying us forever!) but it doesn't mean that it doesn't tip you over the edge. 


I still remember my daughters first public tantrum. We were at playgroup and she had pooed so I decided to change her to stop the other Mothers gagging. We went to the loo, which helpfully happened to be within ear shot of the group. And by the way she screamed you would have thought I had commited a murder. She was inconsolable. She was kicking. Then ridgid. Then howling. And repeat. I was getting hotter and redder knowing that all the other Mums would be judging me and possibly thinking I was swinging my girl round by her hair. I was mortified. I go all sweaty thinking about it now. 

I left the room. And sure enough all eyes were on me. Or were they? With hindsight I'm not so sure. When a tantrum occurs in public you immediately become paranoid that everyone thinks you are a dreadful parent. You think the old ladies in the corner are whispering about you. Actually with them? You probably are right. It seems that elderly people forget the doom of tantrums. Maybe we repress them past 70? I've often snapped at someone helpfully suggesting saying like "Oh you poor baby. Is Mummy being mean?". No I mearly wanted them to stop trying to open random yoghurts off shop shelves now f*ck off*. 


If you read my blog or take part in Wicked Wednesdays, where other bloggers link up real shots of family life, you will know there's nothing more I like than a photo of my child mid tantrum. It's not to be mean, or taunt them. It's just sometimes life with toddlers is so ridiculous that you have to pause, take a moment and think of the insanity. The shots above include a tantrum over a ham sandwich, one because we decided we wanted to go the the beach and a whole host of other pure lunacys. 

Next time you child is screaming at home or in the middle of Poundland. And you can feel your blood boil, all eyes appear to be boring into your head as you grab fruit shoots off the shelves to shut them up but they "wanted the puuuuuuuurrrpppppplllllleeee one" and they start scream louder? Stop. Take a deep breath and look at the situation. Whilst your first thought maybe to run or scream. Embrace the madness. Look at the strangers with their rolling eyes who are making you worry. And think about the fact that not only do they have arseholes but they also would have had tantrums too. It's part of growing up innit?

*do not tell elderly people to f*ck off. That's a bit mean.  Just think it. That's totes OK.

38 comments:

  1. Love this!!!
    Tantrums truly are like arseholes!
    Most of the time I can laugh at he ridiculousness that tantrums are but there really is nothing like an other parent or an old lady to make you feel like absolute crap!!! Always nice to read you're not alone with this :) thanks for sharing lovely!!!! Xx

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    1. Yay! You are NEVER alone. We are all in this together with utterly insane children. Sigh x

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  2. Brilliant post, I thought my days of toddler tantrums were well and truly over until we had our recent addition. You've just reminded me of what's to come but you've also given me a new way of looking at it - arseholes!! Love it x

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    1. Ha!!! Yes in your mind always think about arseholes. It's the only way! x

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  3. Haha my four year old loves a good tantrum. Over anything. Being asked to wear shoes. Or to take her shoes off. Or because I wouldn't buy the yoghurt with peppa pig on. If only I could get away with acting like that in public. Another great post.

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    1. Mine flip out over yoghurts all the time! What is it with yoghurts? It's so weird! x

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  4. Love this post you funny lady you. I was so embarrassed by my eldest's first tantrums but with the second one I just don't care as much- she had a full blown one on the floor of Tescos the other day and I just smiled at all the people walking by! x

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    1. Same here. By the second one you are thinking come on. Show me your worst! x

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  5. Oh I do love your blog posts. You never fail to make me laugh x x

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  6. Great post, though I must admit I am still dreading the start of tantrums, Boo already gets angry and walks away and puts her hands on her head and lets out a scream, in a kind of over dramatic I-can't-work-under-these-conditions pose. It doesn't bode well for me does it? =(

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    1. Mmmmm I shall lie and say it will all be fine! (It won't) x

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  7. Thank you for this. My 14 month old spent the day having tantrums. I can't WAIT for the fun to begin at 18 months.

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    1. Oh good god. An early starter! Could mean they stop earlier??? Maybe????? x

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  8. I love this - I'm scared that my monster isn't even 2 yet and has been throwing colossal wobblers since he was about 18 months old!

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    1. Oh blimey! Maybe he's some child genius. Yes lets say it is that x

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  9. So true! The first public tantrum is mortifying because you feel like you're the only one, then you realise it happens to everyone and it gets a lot easier. It's definitely true that people in their 70s do seem to have totally forgotten that tantrums ever existed. With an audience of elderly people I always felt compelled to pretend to be in control of the situation even though my usual tactic was just to ignore!

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    1. Yeah I think you defo get used to it don't you? I have now and I just either laugh, take a photo or walk away! x

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  10. LOVE this - my darling daughter seems to get worse the older she gets and is now in the fearsome fours! My boy (now 3) loves chucking a good paddy too. This morning's was over the sunscreen nursery requested I apply before he went in. He spent the whole school run complaining about his 'sticky arms' and kept trying to rub it off! At least we know we're not the only ones up against this! Great post x

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    1. Mine had the same about sunscreen!!! She went insane!!!! x

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  11. Lol i mostly try and embrace them too, if you don'rt laugh you cry right?! I have some awesome videos too :)
    Also F is still horrible at 4 - when will they end!!
    xx

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    1. Oh that could be your first vlog bab! It would go viral! x

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  12. Haha this made me laugh, so hard when it's all bedlam but you are right, totally going to remember old people have arseholes (and try not to think of them naked) x

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  13. Tantrums - my lord. My young fella is getting into his groove with them - full on "you are a poo poo head" ones. They are very funny except in the wine aisle - then they are not so much xx (and telling old biddys to feff off if they deserve it is totes ok) x

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    1. No wine aisle should not be for tantrums. Your boy looks so sweet! I can't imagine him cross! x

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  14. My boy has been going through the terrible twos since he was 20 months. He will be three next month and I don't expect the tantrums to go away soon. Tantrums are a bitch. And they turn me into a bitch too. :(

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    1. Ah you could never be one! You will always be my lovely Elfa xxx

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  15. 'Tantrums are like arse holes' ha ha ha love it! You're so right. Wait til you experience a teenage one.....didn't know arse holes could be that big! x x

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    1. HA!!!!!! That's really made me laugh!!! x

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  16. Love this Em! Great metaphor - I'm going to remember that and smile when it's all kicking off round here!! :) xx

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    1. How you cope with three? I will NEVER know! x

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  17. Yes! Totally with you, need to LAUGH else cry hysterically. They seem to be easing off at 4...but then he'll have a storming one just as I think we're over it. Little buggers. And Mabel is just getting in full swing at 2.5...

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    1. And I feel bab that the girl ones are worse. SOB! x

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  18. Oh yes.... We are at aged 5, and it's now the foot stomping tantrums.... If we ignore, she will stand there and continuously stomp until I start laughing, then she strops off to calm down. My three year old does still do the throw in the floor legs kicking arm punching tantrums, I generally just walk off now (leaving her insight) no one has ever said anything to me Though.

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    1. Good! You have escaped. I enjoy a walking off too. And hiding round a corner! x

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  19. Love this post!My boy isn't even 2 yet and he gets grumpy over everything. So far his record is screaming for 30minutes in Debenhamsfor absolutely no reason..how do you make it better when they're crying over nothing?!There were lots of old ladies about that day too..!xx

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  20. My 21 month old had a tantrum yesterday in the check in queue at the airport, then again in departures... Oh an again at 36000 FEET IN THE AIR!! FML! Oh how I wanted to jump out of that plane with no parachute ������

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